#oneaday, Day 190: The Highway Code Errata

It has come to our attention that there are a number of sections of The Highway Code which state rules incorrectly. This document is designed to correct these mistakes.

Rules for Pedestrians

• ITEM 1 – “Footways or footpaths (including any path along the side of a road) should be used if provided.” should read “Footways or footpaths are optional for use when intoxicated.”
• ITEM 4 – “Young children should not be out alone on the footway, footpath or road.” should have “unless you can’t be bothered to look after them yourself” added.
• ITEM 13 – “Routes shared with cyclists”. This rule is obsolete. Pedestrians may go wherever they want regardless of anyone else.

Rules for Cyclists

• ITEM 69 – “You MUST obey all traffic signs and traffic light signals” should read “You MUST NOT obey all traffic signs and traffic light signals”.
• ITEM 71 – “You MUST NOT cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red” should read “You MUST cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red, particularly if there are pedestrians on a crossing.”

Rules for Motorcyclists

• ITEM 88 – “You should be aware of what is behind and to the sides before manoeuvring” should read “Manoeuvring may be done at any time regardless of your surroundings. THINK BIKE, is what everyone else should be thinking.”

Rules for Drivers and Motorcyclists

• ITEM 91 – “the most effective ways to counter sleepiness are to drink, for example, two cups of caffeinated coffee and to take a short nap (up to 15 minutes)” should be in bold, red print.
• ITEM 97 – “[Before setting off you should ensure that] you have switched off your mobile phone” should read “your mobile phone is within moderately-easy reach and is not attached to a hands-free kit, particularly if driving a car of German origin.”
• ADDENDUM – “Drivers of cars of German origin have a special function, normally occupied by the hazard warning lights. Simply activate these lights to be legally permitted to park anywhere you like, however inconvenient it may be to other users and whether or not it is otherwise legal to do so.”

Traffic Signs

• “No Overtaking” should read “No Overtaking unless you think you can take them”.
• “Maximum speed” should read “Minimum speed”
• “No entry for vehicular traffic” should read “No entry for vehicular traffic, except you, because you’re special.”
• “One-way traffic” should read “One-way traffic recommended, but optional”.
• “No waiting” and “No stopping” should both have “unless you are driving a Mercedes, BMW or Audi and put on your hazard lights” added.
• “Loose chippings” should read “Wheelspin zone”.
• “STOP” should read “GO”.
• “GO” should read “STOP”.
• “No vehicles carrying explosives” should read “WTF are you, a terrorist?”
• “No U-turns” should read “U-turns permitted for German cars only”.
• “Steep hill downwards” should read “Step on it!”
• “Steep hill upwards” should read “Step on it!”
• “Cattle”, “Wild animals” and “Wild horses or ponies” should all read “OMG AMINALS”.
• “Queues likely” should read “Queues guaranteed”.
• “Humps for 1 mile” should read “Innuendo ahead”.
• “Hump bridge” should read “Dogging hotspot ahead”.
• “Risk of ice” should read “You work it out”.

Thank you for your understanding. An updated edition of the Code will be printed and released shortly.