#oneaday Day 74: Flashbacks

Yesterday, we updated the rules on a Discord server I help run. The rules did not change from what they were before; they were simply expanded and clarified in a way that allows any of us on the moderation team to easily step in if things look like getting out of hand.

And you know, people absolutely lost their shit over it to a frankly baffling degree. We had people claiming that the server had been “destroyed”, that they were no longer able to express themselves fully, that mods were “power hungry”… if you’ve been on the Internet any length of time all this will be familiar, I’m sure, particularly if you were ever part of forum culture.

I have found the whole experience baffling and extremely frustrating. The new rules amount to “don’t be a hateful bigot”, “don’t be mean to other people” and “please use the channels as they are designed to be used”. Bizarrely, it’s that last one that got people most upset, because apparently asking people to keep off-topic discussions to the off-topic channel is something approaching a fascist dictatorship.

All this gave me exceedingly unpleasant flashbacks of “behaviour management” when I was working as a teacher. A classroom full of screaming children and a Discord server full of crying adults who are very much old enough to know better are remarkably similar. And it all comes down to people, regardless of age, having a great amount of difficulty with someone who isn’t them laying down boundaries.

In both cases, kids and adults, they feel they’re not able to behave as they please. In both cases, the rules are in place to help keep things somewhat more orderly: so that lessons can be taught in the classroom, and so that people who came to the Discord server to get specific information can find that information in the latter case.

No-one has quite gone as far as throwing out the “but my free speech!” card as yet but some people came remarkably close earlier. And I suspect we will continue to have some unrest for a few days.

I don’t get it. I’ve always been quite happy to follow the rules when I’ve been invited into someone’s house, be it real or virtual. I’m still mortified about one time, aged 12, when I used the word “bog” to refer to the toilet at a friend’s house, only to be admonished that “we don’t use that word in this house” (or at least not in front of his mother anyway). If someone asks me to behave myself online, I behave myself. It’s really not all that difficult.

I suspect much of it stems from the people in question never having had those boundaries set in the past, and not knowing what to do when they are set — even if they were already following the rules anyway. I suppose it’s easy to feel a weird sort of guilt when you’re involved in a community and that community feels the need to lay down the law, even if you know you had nothing to do with it.

But honestly, come on now. If you have difficulty with rules that amount to “don’t be a dick” and “use this server for its stated purpose”, that’s an issue with you, not the rules.

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