1358: The Bits You Fast-Forward Through

I’m struggling to remember the last time an advert actually had its intended effect on me — that is to say, I can’t really remember the last time I actually bought something or made use of a service based on an advert.

The reason for this is that advertising appears to be getting increasingly infuriating and lazy as time goes on. TV ads these days are actively irritating rather than positive in promoting things, Internet ads are seemingly designed to be as obtrusive and distracting as possible, and print ads barely exist any more.

Consider TV ads, if you will. There seems to be an increasing number of people writing TV ads who seem to think that doing the whole thing as a rhyme is a good idea. No. This is never a good idea, because poetry sounds pretentious and arty-farty even when it’s good; get someone without a literary bone in their body to write some sort of rhyme about yogurt or nappies or haemorrhoid cream or something and the result is just embarrassing, like the sort of shit children come out with for the usually short-lived “poetry” project they inevitably do as part of “literacy” lessons in primary school.

Then there’s the ads that take a well-known song and “hilariously” change the lyrics to something to do with insurance or plasters or credit cards. Inevitably, the songs chosen are the most horrendously overplayed, clichéd shit that everyone is already sick of, and similarly, the ad itself is inevitably edited by someone who has no clue about musical structure or indeed how the original song actually went, leaving the whole thing feeling like a band of year 9 music students who think they’re really good but actually keep forgetting the lines.

Worst of all, I think, are the ones that actively try to “go viral” or become a meme. This is always painful to watch, because it’s something you can’t force. This is perhaps best demonstrated by the fact that anything that has tried to deliberately “go viral” since the dawn of the Internet has spectacularly failed (is anyone following O2’s advice to “be more dog”? Didn’t think so.) while anything which did successfully permeate popular culture (“you’ve been Tango’d”, say) did so largely through word of mouth rather than a group of marketing executives specifically trying to make people say things.

I think my least favourite ads in the world are “interactive” Web ads, though. They’ll start as a postage stamp-sized version of a TV ad, and then those infuriating words “Get ready to interact!” will appear on the screen. Rather arrogantly, the people behind the ad then expect you to indulge in all the fun of, say, hoovering a carpet or wiping a dirty toilet seat, with your reward being the helpful information that you can buy the product you’ve just been “using” at all good supermarkets.

I should probably just use an adblocker if all this infuriates me so much, but unfortunately I’m all too painfully aware how much of the Internet is reliant on these stupid ads, and there’s relatively little I can do about TV ads aside from not watch TV, which I don’t really do that much anyway.

Anyhow. Bollocks, piss and fart. I am grumpy so I am going to bed.