Passive aggression. It’s an ugly business, for sure, but never has it been easier to participate in than in this age of social media. While the phenomenon has been around for many years in the form of bickering couples saying things like “SOMEBODY didn’t do the washing up” or making other such pointed remarks either directly at each other or to other people within earshot of their partner, it wasn’t until people gained the ability to broadcast their every waking thought to the entire world that it became the worldwide craze that it is today.
I’m not sure exactly what it achieves. I’ve indulged in it in the past — in my defence, there were extenuating circumstances at the time — and it didn’t really make me feel any better, though it did have the effect I desired at the time: to get some validation and reassurance from friends, and to piss off, upset or otherwise get the attention of a specific person. I wasn’t particularly proud of the result. I ended up feeling worse about the thing I was trying to get out of my system than before the passive-aggressive incident. So I try and avoid it in most cases these days. (Note: most. No-one is infallible. And I’m aware that not sharing the details of said incident above could be construed as a form of passive aggressiveness. But, well, shut up.)
Why has social media been a catalyst for the growth of passive-aggressiveness, though? Quite simply, it’s because it gives people the ability to feel like they’re being heard even when no-one is really listening. Post something along the lines of “SO PISSED OFF WITH SOMEONE RIGHT NOW!!!” on Facebook and within a matter of minutes you’ll have at least one “Like” and one comment saying something along the lines of “u ok hun?”. Since you’re being passive-aggressive, though, you couldn’t possibly say exactly what’s up with you at the time, and as such you drop vague hints as to what is bothering you without actually saying it. Or, worse, you leave a comment to the “u ok hun?” commenter saying “I texted you”, letting everyone else reading the comment thread know that you’re telling someone all about what/who has pissed you off this week, encouraging a flurry of private messages and texts to said person asking “Do you know what’s up with so-and-so?”
Eventually, of course, the whole sordid saga comes out because statistically, someone in your group of friends is likely to have loose lips. We know this from sitcoms where one member of a group of friends is forced to keep someone’s secret but finds themselves increasingly tempted to reveal everything to someone else, whom it transpires actually knew it anyway. Or, to base ourselves back in reality, some people like telling others secrets because it gives them a feeling of power — “I know something you don’t, but I’ll tell you if you buy me a drink/buy me a pony/sleep with me” — and thus said secret gradually spreads and spreads until, inevitably, it gets back to the person it originated from, who traces it back to the person who they told in confidence and then posts another passive-aggressive status update about how they’re, like, totally so pissed off with people who can’t keep secrets.
You get the idea, anyway.
As human beings, we have a variety of means of communication at our disposal, and it’s pretty clear to most of us that being upfront and honest about things often makes life a lot easier in the long run, even if it might be a bit like tearing off a plaster in the short term. But in the heat of the moment, it’s all too easy to focus on that “short term” bit and take the easy option, which is to bottle up the things we’re really feeling and simply spout vague bullshit into the ether in the hopes that someone — anyone — will reach out to us and give us someone to talk to.
We never learn our lesson, though — at least not if my Facebook news feed and Twitter timeline are anything to go by.
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