#oneaday Day 69: PAX Bostona

PAX East is happening tomorrow, and I’m not there. This makes me inordinately sad for a number of reasons. Firstly, PAX East last year was the last time I could legitimately say that I was 100% completely, totally and utterly happy. For those few days, I had left all my growing troubles behind in the UK and was able to immerse myself in the culture that I loved so much. I was able to be an unabashed nerd and surround myself with thousands of other people like myself.

Secondly, PAX East represented the last time I had the chance to see some of the people I consider to be my best friends in the world. It sounds sappy, I’m sure, but the relationships I’ve cultivated online over the last few years are some of the strongest friendships I’ve ever had—and in some cases, I’ve met these people once or twice… and in many cases, not at all.

Thirdly, PAX East last year pretty much marked the start of the career path that I’d very much like to follow full-time, given the opportunity: being part of the games press. At the time I was writing for Kombo.com and between meeting up with people and seeing cool panel discussions (some of which didn’t feature my brother) I was hunting down interesting stories and reporting on them. I’d been writing the news for a little while by then, but attending an event and spotting the new hotness was a lot of fun, and something I want to do more of in the future.

The best thing about PAX East, though, I’ve already touched on, and I blogged about at length last year. It’s a place to call home. A place where people who enjoy video games can come together and nerd out to their hearts’ content without fear of judgement, without feeling like they have to “hide” their hobby or play it down. No, this is a place where girls could dress as Bayonetta without (much) shame, where people could experience new aspects to their hobby, where people could meet some of their idols and where people could get together and meet each other.

In short, it was awesome. And that’s why right now I am very much wishing I was there in Boston, scoping out the nearest coffee shops and Dunkin’ Donuts to the convention centre, arguing about which places to go for food and playing “spot the influential industry figure”.

So to all of you over there in Boston right now, I hope you have the best time of your lives over the next few days. Because if you don’t have the best time of your lives, I could clearly have had your tickets and had the best time of my life instead. (Assuming I could have actually flown over to Boston, of course. Planes are expensive. But that’s beside the point.)

Yeah. I JELLY. Deal with it.

Have an awesome time, PAX East. Wish I was there.

#oneaday, Day 76: Daytime. Sort of.

Yes! A pre-midnight post! How about that. Since I’m in a writing frame of mind, I thought I’d write something. I’ve just written 1100 words on my story. Actually, I ditched what I wrote yesterday and started again. It’s flowing a bit better this time, which is good. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up some sort of momentum.

I say I’m in a writing frame of mind but in fact I’m just trying to avoid the televisual monstrosity that is whatever that ridiculous audition show for The Wizard of Oz is on television. I’m really, really sick of these shows, as I’ve made abundantly clear on a number of occasions. These ones where the “winners” end up with a part in a West End show make a mockery of the whole process. Andrew Lloyd Webber sitting in a gold throne with everyone calling him “The Lord”? The sycophantic nonsense spewed by Graham Norton and others on the show is enough to make one want to vomit. Yes, Lloyd Webber has created some of the most successful musicals ever, but that doesn’t mean I want to see people practically sticking their nose up his arse and rimming him on television. And I certainly don’t want to vote on it.

Enough ranting on that subject, otherwise it’ll annoy my wife.

Anything else interesting happen today? Well, no, not really. It’s been very quiet since PAX East, but people are still talking about it, which is good. A good buddy over on BitMob posted a fantastic article about the experience, which summed up exactly how I felt about it as a fellow sufferer of social anxiety. I suggest you go and read it if you haven’t already – even if you’re not a gamer. It’s a great piece.

I’ve also been watching some of the PAX 09 DVD which I picked up as a keepsake. The video quality on it is great, meaning the concerts, panels and appearances by Gabe, Tycho and Wil Wheaton all look and sound great. I’m actually really impressed with how good it is – I was expecting low-quality, hand-held shakeycam, but in fact it’s a completely professional job. I should know better than to doubt nerds making videos, I guess.

Anyway, that’s about it for today. Not very interesting, I know. But that’s the way some days go.

#oneaday, Day 66: The Time Has Come

I’m going to write this in something of a rush because I need to go to bed. But I’m not going to default on my blogging just for pesky tiredness’ sake! No, it might be a short, crap entry, but dammit if I’m not going to write on right now.

Anyway.

Tomorrow, I fly to Boston for PAX East. It’s strange to think that this time has finally come. When I think back to early in this whole “one a day” experiment and the things I said, wondering whether or not I’d be able to go, wondering whether I’d be able to get out of my job, wondering if I’d ever make it to the States to see my friends whom I only know by their Twitter avatars and occasional glimpses of embarrassing photos on Facebook.

Now, that fantasy is a reality. Well, it will be very soon, anyway.

There are two emotions in my head right now. Immense excitement… and nerves. Almost like stage fright.

Anyone who’s ever met anyone they’ve talked to online for a long period of time will know that the first face-to-face meeting is always the hardest. People are different online to how they are in reality, and however much you can protest that the way you write or chat online is your “true self”, the fact is that people will judge you when they meet you for the first time – subconsciously in most cases, but they’re doing it all the same. It’s that that always unnerves me – whenever I’m meeting new people for the first time, not just trusted and beloved online friends, but anyone. It’s a side-effect of the social anxiety that I’ve suffered for as long as I can remember, but I’m determined not to let it get in the way of an awesome time. And it doesn’t have to. I met my wife face-to-face long after we met online, after all. And yes, I probably was an awkward twat – still am – but that one worked out just fine.

The fact I’ve met some members of the Squadron of Shame before will help – especially given the fact that we got on well the last time we met and didn’t (to my knowledge, anyway) want to tear each others’ throats out with hammers by the end of our time together. I feel like I know a lot of the others very well already thanks to blogs, Twitter, Facebook, podcasts and all manner of other media that makes “Internet gurus” and “online entrepreneurs” drool with glee. So I think it’s going to be just fine.

Doesn’t stop me feeling nervous, but it’s not a sense of crippling anxiety. It’s more a state of wanting the “introductions” phase to be over so we can kick back with some beers and then hit the show floor of PAX East running. Because there’s an asston of stuff to see, and there’s a bundle of people I want to meet. Quite how everything will fit into those few short days I’m in Boston is anyone’s guess – but I’m going to make a damn good try of it.

So tomorrow morning at 8:40, I board a coach bound for DESTINY. That’s right: DESTINY. (Then I catch a plane which will take me the rest of the way to DESTINY. But the coach trip comes first.)

I’m clearly getting delirious. Time for bed, I think. Good night!