#oneaday, Day 291: Final Lap

As the year starts to draw to a close—seriously, how the fuck did it get to be November already?—lots of “projects” or long-term goals are starting to eventually come together and come to fruition. Unfortunately, none of said long-term goals will result in financial gain for myself (unless you want to sponsor any of them, which you’re very welcome to do) but they will result in a sense of long-term satisfaction.

This blog thing, for example. It’s become part of my daily routine now. I love writing something every day. And it’s interesting to look back at how the year (a pretty shitty one, by all accounts) has gone, how it’s changed and, more to the point, how it’s changed me. I’m a different person to the one I was five months ago. I’m a different person again to the one I was eleven months ago. I’d like to think that these changes are mostly for the better, and there are a few people out there who can probably back me up on this one. That’s not a request for ego-massaging comments, incidentally, though those are, as ever, welcome.

And then there’s the running thing, too. Tonight I completed Week 6 of the 9-week Couch To 5K programme. Tonight’s run was 25 minutes of non-stop running, bookended by 5-minute walks for warm-up and cool-down purposes. And it was… I hesitate to say “easy”, but certainly well within my abilities. I feel like my speed is increasing, too, though my average speed readout from RunKeeper (awesome app, by the way, and free for iOS and Android) seems fairly constant at just under 4mph. Not very fast, I know, but considering that nearly seven weeks ago I was struggling to run for a minute at a time, I think it’s pretty clear that I’ve made awesome progress. And I feel good about that and have absolutely no problem publicly displaying a bit of pride about it. So there.

I have blown the right headphone earbud on my iPhone though. Guess the thumping bass and drums of the Split/Second soundtrack finally proved too much for them. That or Apple make shitty headphones. Given that exactly the same also happened to the right earbud of the headphones on my old 20GB iPod, I’m inclined to think it’s the latter. Fuck you, Apple, and your shitty headphones. But not too much. I like the iPhone just fine, thanks.

So here are the “deadlines”, for want of a better word: By the 25th of November, I should be running for 30 minutes at a time comfortably, and presumably able to run the titular 5K in that time. And by the 19th of January 2011, I’ll have completed a year of continuous non-stop blogging. Will I have a decent job by then? Given that I have an exciting and mysterious job interview next Thursday, I might.

Will I be in a position to say “yes, this is where I want my life to be” by then? Possibly not. But things are definitely on that upwards slope. Time passes. Things happen. And when you look back, it’s difficult to imagine being where you are now, then. If that makes sense.

I know what I mean, even if you don’t.

#oneaday, Day 277: Boobies

The title of this post was suggested to me as I was suffering slight writers’ block due to being in a room with a number of other people, some of whom are playing Modern Warfare 2, others of whom are listening to the Mortal Kombat soundtrack. Which, in itself, is pretty awesome, but isn’t exactly the most conducive environment for nurturing the best of one’s creativity. The post itself will not be about boobies. Unless I really can’t think of anything else to write about.

Mmm, boobies… Sorry, where was I?

So I thought I’d go a bit stream-of-consciousy for tonight. I haven’t done that for a while. This isn’t proper full-on freewriting, ’cause I’m not starting the timer and writing for a set number of minutes. But I am writing things as they come into my head. Which is nice. It also means that I might go off on something of a tangent as I – oh look, there’s a badger with a gun, do you see?

I am currently drinking grape soda, which I’m sure I have had before and liked but had forgotten quite how much it tasted like Calpol – the nice purple stuff you have when you’re a little kid, not the foul and disgusting pink stuff you get when you’re over the age of six (the imaginatively-named “Calpol Six-Plus”, fact fans). For those of you reading in American, Calpol was, for a long time (and possibly still) the generic “cure-all” medicine for children. I have no idea what was in it that made boo-boos go away, but for kids it is very much the equivalent of the fantasy RPG “cure-all potion” that restores hit points and, if it’s a fancy-pants version that costs more than 50 gold a time, sometimes cures status effects.

What was I saying? Nothing much at all, really. This is perhaps not my best work. But, you know, you work with what you’ve got. And I’m currently full of pizza and Calpol-flavoured fizzy stuff, surrounded by people I like very much indeed and so frankly, I’m more than happy with this post reflecting the pleasant feelings of “Ahh…” that I’m enjoying right at this moment. Regular followers of this blog since I started the whole #oneaday thing will know that it’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to really sit back, enjoy myself and make a contented-sounding noise like “Ahh…” so I’m damn well going to enjoy it.

I may be broke, unemployed and not exactly in the position I envisaged being in at this stage of my life. But, you know, for the moment? I can deal with it. Things could be worse – things have been worse – so I’m pleased to say that this could well be that downward spiral taking a turn for the better. If spirals can indeed take turns for the better.

You know what I mean. You reach rock bottom, you have to start climbing back out again sometime. So onwards and upwards it is, and thank you to those people who have made it possible. You know who you are.

Now there are games to play and Calpol to drink. Night night.

#oneaday, Day 132: Turnabout Mystery

Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes these bad things are so bad that they cast you into an abyss so dark, you wonder if you’ll see light again; an abyss so deep you doubt you’ll ever escape; an abyss you didn’t think existed but, as it happened, was opening beneath your feet before your very eyes, drawing you in silently, wordlessly, until the darkness enveloped you.

One such abyss claimed me a short while back. The details are, right now, unimportant. But I was deep in the darkness. I couldn’t see light. I couldn’t even feel the walls to stumble my way out by touch. I was lost, and fearing for my own salvation.

Sometimes good things happen. Sometimes these good things are so good that they cast a brilliant light into the very darkest places in your life. A light which heals; a light which bonds; a light which gives hope. That hope doesn’t have to be a big hope. It can be something as simple as a kind word or a smile with a million unspoken words behind it. Sometimes this light, this hope, comes along and brings light into the darkness. It may not banish it, but it certainly makes the path which must be trodden clearer.

My abyss has been brightened by one such light. The details are, once again, unimportant. The darkness still lingers, waiting to claim me, but the light is there now. The hope to carry on, to endure, to survive. The way ahead, while it may wend and meander into the distance, at least is visible now.

I know not what challenges await me along this newly-lit path, or whether I will be able to stave off the darkness temporarily, or even whether I may leave it behind altogether. But the light, it is there, and it makes me smile a smile that has not been on my face for some time.

And I am grateful. Forever grateful for that light. For without light, there is only darkness. And a man who spends so long in darkness eventually becomes one with the darkness.

That is not the fate I wish upon myself. I follow the light where it leads me, and my journey begins anew.