I was just about to settle down to write a blog earlier tonight when I was unceremoniously informed that it would probably be for the best if I vacated my flat.

Let’s rewind an hour or two here. I was about to settle in for a d… to have some alone time in the bathroom when I realised I was out of toilet paper. So a trip to the shop was on the cards. I gathered the universal “going outside kit” of money, keys and phone and went outside my flat.

When I got into the lobby area I could hear gushing water. I figured it was just the rain outside intensifying, but I needed a dump and no thunderstorm was going to stop me in acquiring the appropriate equipment for said activity.

I opened the door and noticed it wasn’t raining. Not only that, but I couldn’t hear the gushing water outside.

“That’s odd,” I thought. I headed back inside and followed the source of the sound. It was coming from the basement of my block.

At the bottom of the stairs, the floor was ankle-deep in water, and said water appeared to be gushing out from behind a white, locked door which, it later became clear, is an electrical cupboard.

I went back into my flat and phoned the useless estate management company who are in charge of the development. I was put on the phone with a spectacularly chavvy-sounding gentleman who offered that he could either get someone to come down tomorrow (“It’s flooding,” I pointed out.) or tonight, and that there “might be a charge” for an “emergency callout”.

Fortunately, as it transpired, there was a representative of this festival of incompetence already on site for some reason. He came and knocked on everyone’s door and informed us that they were going to turn the electricity off as the water was getting at the fuses and that was bad. He also helpfully informed us that he had absolutely no idea how long the work to fix it was going to take.

Well, thanks for that.

That, then, dear reader, is why I am lying on the floor of my friend Sam’s house blogging on my phone. Because Trinity Estates, who think “fixing a pipe” means “putting some duct tape on it” have outdone themselves.

I guess I should be grateful that they are at least fixing it. But to not be able to do stuff in my own home for an unspecified amount of time is not exactly what I need right now.