“Many of you reached out to us via Twitter last night and today regarding a situation a Customer Twittered about that occurred on a Southwest flight. It is not our customary method of Customer Relations to be so public in how we work through these situations, but with so many people involved in the occurrence, you also should be involved in the solution. First and foremost, to Mr. Smith; we would like to echo our Tweets and again offer our heartfelt apologies to you.We are sincerely sorry for your travel experience on Southwest Airlines.

As soon as we saw the first Tweet from Mr. Smith, we contacted him personally to apologize for his experience and to address his concerns on both Twitter and with a personal phone call. Since the situation has received a lot of public attention, we’d like to take the opportunity to address a few of the specifics here as well.

Mr. Smith originally purchased two Southwest seats on a flight from Oakland to Burbank – as he’s been known to do when traveling on Southwest. He decided to change his plans and board an earlier flight to Burbank, which technically means flying standby. As you may know, airlines are not able to clear standby passengers until all Customers are boarded. When the time came to board Mr. Smith, we had only a single seat available for him to occupy. Our pilots are responsible for the Safety and comfort of all Customers on the aircraft and therefore, made the determination that Mr. Smith needed more than one seat to complete his flight. Our Employees explained why the decision was made, accommodated Mr. Smith on a later flight, and issued him a $100 Southwest travel voucher for his inconvenience.

You’ve read about these situations before. Southwest instituted our Customer of Size policy more than 25 years ago. The policy requires passengers that can not fit safely and comfortably in one seat to purchase an additional seat while traveling. This policy is not unique to Southwest Airlines and it is not a revenue generator. Most, if not all, carriers have similar policies, but unique to Southwest is the refunding of the second seat purchased (if the flight does not oversell) which is greater than any revenue made (full policy can be found here). The spirit of this policy is based solely on Customer comfort and Safety. As a Company committed to serving our Customers in Safety and comfort, we feel the definitive boundary between seats is the armrest. If a Customer cannot comfortably lower the armrest and infringes on a portion of another seat, a Customer seated adjacent would be very uncomfortable and a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement.”

Thus ran SouthWest Airlines’ apology to film director Kevin Smith. I say “apology”, but it’s not really, is it? “Customer of Size policy”? What the fuck? Since when have we needed a “Customer of Size policy”? According to SouthWest, 25 years ago. I’m in awe. And not in a good way.

Mr Smith, of course, regularly refers to himself as a card-carrying member of the larger gentlemen’s club. But, as he pointed out a number of times on Twitter (in between fits of apoplectic rage), he didn’t even meet the criteria for the “Customer of Size policy” to require him to be removed from the aircraft, in that he was sitting in his seat and he had got the armrest down.

“[I was] not just ANY paying customer,” Smith wrote on Twitter. “[I was] a paying customer who fit between the arm rests & was able to buckle his seat belt w/o an extender. TRUTH!”

We’re constantly being told that obesity is a “problem” – and it probably is, from a health perspective. However, implementing such dumbass and discriminatory “policies” as these is a sad sign of the times, where paperwork and tickboxes rule all.

Here’s a thought, SouthWest Airlines: If you’re so worried about the fatties getting on your planes and the comfort of your other passengers, why not get some bigger fucking chairs and space them out a bit more?

Oh, right, because you wouldn’t be able to squeeze as many passengers on, would you? And that would be terrible for your poor little profit margins, wouldn’t it? Poor baby.

Smith, as he is wont to do with most things, has handled this situation rather publicly via Twitter and even through a special edition of his podcast (which is a hilarious listen generally, by the way) – all of which is probably giving SouthWest’s PR department a collective heart attack.

Well, good, I say. Smith has enough public following for this to be raised as a big deal, no pun intended. Imagine how mortifying it would be for a member of the public to be removed from a plane due to their weight. Yes, it could potentially be uncomfortable for someone to have to sit next to a chubster – but the problem wouldn’t be there in the first place if airlines didn’t pack everyone in like cattle.

I’m off to bed now. Fat power.

(I feel like Yahoo! News writing nonsense like this about celebrities. But I think blogs are a far better place for this sort of thing than a site that purports to be about actual “news”. That’s a rant for another day, though.)