#oneaday Day 579: The Littlest Hobo Journalist

I’m writing this sitting on a hard concrete floor outside a café because I’m using their Wi-Fi but I’m not confident enough in my German to go in and order something.

The fact that you can do this is pretty impressive, though. Laptops have been around for donkey’s years, but the ability to sit in another country, outside, on the floor, getting pins and needles in your legs, and access the Internet is pretty remarkable when you think about it. It’s certainly changed the way a lot of people can do their jobs. Journalists used to sit in offices, now they sit on the floor of German streets like netbook-wielding tramps. (Given the wild growth of my facial hair during my trip, that might not be an altogether inappropriate comparison. I’d shave, but I can’t be arsed at the moment.)

Gamescom is coming to a close, with today being the first of two days that are only for the public. The “entertainment halls”, as the public section is called, are markedly different from the relative peace and organization of the business area. Where the business area is clean, bright, not crowded and with no crap all over the floor, the entertainment area is the exact opposite in every sense. It’s dirty, dark, crowded and the floor is carpeted with discarded leaflets from a thousand different vendors trying to promote their products.

It’s interesting to see, though — having only really been to PAX and Eurogamer, there’s a marked difference in the way the public presentations are handled. For starters, rather than holding behind closed doors panel discussions like at PAX, game developers and publishers get up on stage and put on a show for the audiences right there in the show hall. There’s a lot of shouting, a lot of “call and response” audience interaction, and a lot of scantily-clad women flinging T-shirts into the crowd. I haven’t caught a T-shirt yet, but I did take advantage of the English language Guild Wars 2 presentation to sneak a go on NCSoft’s new WildStar MMO today — it’s really rather good and I suggest you check it out if you get the chance.

I never thought I’d say this, but I am tiring of sausage. Currywurst is awesome, and I really wish we had that curry ketchup easily available in the UK, but when sausage is the only kind of food that’s within easy reach (as appears to be the case once you’re inside Koelnmesse — easier said than done with the German security guards today bringing a whole new dimension of Jobsworthness to their interactions with the public) you start to tire of it surprisingly quickly, particularly when it appears to be a staple at breakfast time, too — honestly, I saw a guy yesterday having a plate piled high with nothing but about ten sausages. The guy obviously needed his protein.

I fly back tomorrow evening and I feel like I’m ready to. Cologne is nice and all, but I’m tired of being self-conscious about my German and the fact I don’t appear to know any nouns. It will be nice to have a rest in my own bed — but not for long, as very shortly I’ll be moving house, which is exciting and awesome.

For now, though, it’s time to go and find some food that isn’t sausage for dinner.

#oneaday Day 577: Einen, Eine, Ein

German (I wish my iPhone would stop autocorrecting that to “Herman”) is a funny language. I kind of like it, though as is often said, it’s not a very romantic language. You can’t whisper sweet nothings in German very well (though everything you say sounds like you’re talking dirty) and it’s full of harsh sounds.

My knowledge of the language is fairly limited, though I could probably get by if the average German didn’t already speak English as well as their own language. There is, however, one small problem, and that is the rather important matter of nouns.

It’s all very well being able to say “Excuse me please, I would like…” but what good is that phrase if you don’t have a word to put on the end of it? German is quite a literal language in many senses, in that a lot of nouns describe the thing they are quite well — the word for “nurse”, for example, is “Krankenschwester”, which literally means “ill sister”. The words for “entrance” and “exit” make it clear if they’re for walking or driving — “Eingang” and “Ausgang” versus “Einfahrt” and “Ausfahrt”. The German word for diarrhoea — “Durchfall” — literally means “fall through”, and the word for constipation — “Verstopfung” — seems very apt.

But it’s little things that are easy to forget. Desire a can of Coke rather than a bottle and how do you indicate that without pointing and grunting? (hint: with the word “Dose”, as I suddenly remembered out of nowhere today) How do you ask for your Currywurst (which, incidentally, are delicious) to be provided “to go” rather than to eat in? How do you indicate that you’d prefer a T-shirt to a hoody?

That’s what they need to put in travellers’ guides: a big list of handy nouns. Then even the most inept linguist would be able to get by just by bellowing “Schweinfleisch! Soße! Erdbeer! Rückgeld!” at members of the service industry. Though exactly what they’d end up with after asking for that particular combination of things is anyone’s guess.

#oneaday Day 576: Still Tiredscom

I’m afraid you’re only going to be getting half-hearted (but still daily) updates out of me for the next few days, largely ’cause I’m spending my days at the Gamescom expo over at the amusingly-named Koelnmesse, then spending my evenings writing everything up. I’d write more stuff up in the daytime but 1) I don’t have time and 2) Wi-Fi access as Koelnmesse costs 25 Euros per day. You’d think during a trade show they’d organise something for attendees.

I’ve spotted a weird thing since being in Germany — my thoughts have a German accent. When I speak German, a German can immediately tell I’m English — they have a strange sixth sense for that sort of thing — but in my mind, the things I think have a perfect German accent and, in some cases, German words too. Occasionally they’re the wrong German words because I just end up thinking of amusing words or phrases (“Ich besuche mein Grossmutter” always makes me titter, even though what it actually means is rather mundane) but they’re there, nonetheless.

Wandering around a country that doesn’t have English as its first language is akin to playing an MMO with no keyboard. You might be able to make yourself understood with basic gestures, but after a while you’re going to have to immerse yourself a bit and figure things out for yourself. I’ve now just about deciphered the confusing public transport system (though since arriving here, not one person has checked my ticket, making me regret the 7 Euros I paid on the first day) and can sort of recognise what certain shops and things are.

However much I know that “Notausgang” means “Emergency Exit”, though, I still can’t not read it as “Not an exit”.

Feurwehr!