battle of the sexes – I'm Not Doctor Who

I have no idea who Bernard Pivot is. The only thing I think of when I hear the word “Pivot” is the array of moderately-to-extremely offensive stickman animations entitled Battle of the Sexes that my friend Sam and I produced using the piece of software of the same name (Pivot, not Battle of the Sexes) while we were back in university, a selection of which you can see at the end of this blog post. That was a very long sentence, wasn’t it? Never mind.

Anyway, the reason I bring up Bernard Pivot is Daniel Lipscombe’s recent post of the same name. Apparently something called Inside the Actors Studio always featured a questionnaire by Mr Pivot that everyone featured would answer. I’m sure Daniel can explain it much better than I can, so go and read his post for more details. I’m just going to answer the questions in a memerrific manner.

Yes, I’m feeling lazy. But I did go and dig into archive.org to go and find those GIF files, previously thought to be lost. I’m good to you, I am. So allow me a little laziness, particularly as I had a job interview today and had to spend seventy-five fucking pounds getting the train to Brighton (65 miles). Ripoff!

I appear to be procrastinating against answering these questions. It’s not deliberate. Here goes:

What is your favorite word?
“Ostensibly”. I’m not sure it’s actually my “favourite”, but I certainly use it a hell of a lot. I guess you could say that ostensibly my favourite word is “ostensibly”. Maybe. But that would make you a prat.
What is your least favorite word?
“Accountability”. Nothing good ever comes of someone using that word. See also: “leverage”, “monetize”, “transparency”, when not used the context of discussing a physical object that is not opaque.
What turns you on?
Porn! Errm, you didn’t mean it like that, did you? An in-depth and deeply, deeply nerdy conversation would be the next best thing.
What turns you off?
Staff meetings in hot, stuffy rooms. I can’t help my eyes getting heavy. I’ve never actually fallen asleep in one but I’ve come perilously close lots of times. Also, spiders.
What sound or noise do you love?
That bubbly sound when you put a straw in a glass of drink and blow.
What sound or noise do you hate?
Bits of polystyrene scraping together.
What is your favorite curse word?
COCK! Said with aplomb.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I am currently profession-less, technically, unless you count supply teaching. In which case, video game journalism, which I’m sort of doing already anyway. For something completely different, I wouldn’t mind doing something involving driving.
What profession would you not like to do?
Anything that involves sick, poo or blood.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
“Well done for surviving My many challenges that I have thrown in your way! You win my Grand Prize.”

Do have a go at answering these questions in the comments below because I like comments and they make me feel loved and appreciated. While you wait, here are some offensive GIFs involving stickmen and women. I present Battle of the Sexes, a 2005 production of Angry Jedi and Rampant Goose. Click the pics to see the animations, since WordPress doesn’t seem to like displaying inline animated GIFs, at least not in this theme.

Episode 1: First Meeting