Dear America,
We, the Rest of the World, are given to understand that you are holding an election for your next president tomorrow. To all of us, looking from the outside, the choice appears to be between a bright orange cunt who has done more than enough things to be locked up in prison for a very long time, and a likable woman who, along with her running mate, has not only done a surprising amount to reach out to “the young”, typically some of the most apathetic when it comes to politics, but has also relentlessly — and completely correctly — highlighted her opponent’s shortcomings.
This would, to us, appear to be an easy choice. We know that both candidates have things that you’re not altogether happy about for one reason or another. We know that for certain groups of you living in the States, either choice is a difficult or uncomfortable one. But come on now. Seriously. If you vote for the orange cunt, you are an idiot. There is no other way to put it. You are a fucking idiot.
I’m not going to go off on one like some people do online and start talking about “Nazis” and “fascism”, but the orange cunt is a cunt. The orange cunt is a criminal. The orange cunt has already proven that he makes a hash of things if given even the slightest hint of power, so how it even got to a situation where the choice is between the orange cunt and literally anyone else is completely beyond the ken of those of us observing from the outside. This race should not be happening. The orange cunt should not even be in consideration for the big chair in one of the most powerful nations on the planet.
And yet, somehow, he is. Which is what worries me. Because if the orange cunt can get into a position where he’s an election away from sitting in that big chair — for the second time, let’s not forget — it concerns me that he might actually win. And, besides that making your entire democratic process a laughingstock — not that ours is much better, mind — it looks like that is going to be outright dangerous for a lot of people.
Of course, it’s entirely possible that the orange cunt losing will be dangerous, too. We’ve seen on multiple occasions that he doesn’t take losing very well at all. We’re just all consoling ourselves with the fact that if he does lose, there is hopefully enough out there now to lock him away where he can do no further harm. Although we very much doubt that this will actually happen. He’s rich, you see, and rich people don’t go to jail. “If the penalty for a crime is a fine, that law only exists for the lower classes,” and all that.
So come on, America. There is very obviously only one sensible choice here, but we, collectively, don’t quite have 100% faith that you’ll make that sensible choice as a nation. You have voted the orange cunt into office once before, after all.
We’d very much like to be wrong. And so, in the words of Ru Paul: good luck, and don’t fuck it up.
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