It’s quite amazing what you find right under your own nose sometime. No, I’m not talking about that disgusting green mucous that dribbled forth from your nostrils when you had that really hot chilli earlier. I’m talking about the cool stuff in the place where you live — or in the places near where you live — that you completely ignore because, well, they’re right there and therefore you take them for granted.
I’m specifically referring to London which, if you’re paying attention, you’ll know I’m currently sitting in. London is full of Awesome Stuff, yet if you work here, or spend most of your visits to our nation’s illustrious capital hunting down job interviews, yelling into a mobile phone or attempting to cross the entire city without leaving a Pret A Manger for more than two minutes then you probably won’t notice them.
I went to the Tower of London today. Yes, the one with the ravens and the executions and all that stuff. It’s an impressive structure, and properly interesting to wander around inside, if only because it’s a very old castle that is pretty much completely intact, although they don’t chop people’s heads off there any more. The Crown Jewels are pretty impressive, too — very sparkly, though a bit too bling for everyday wear, to be honest. And the coronation robe looks a bit like a pair of curtains.
The guided tour around the place — a thing I normally hate with a passion, as you inevitably get stuck behind a sweaty German tourist who is sixteen feet taller than you, has a chronic flatulence problem and no sense of personal space — was highly entertaining thanks to the Yeoman’s sense of humour and entertaining mannerisms. He made the stories about various people having their heads chopped off interesting, and gave some interesting context to the relics and antiquities on display in the museumy parts of the tower.
From the equipment on display, we can conjecture that all previous Kings of England were tanking classes, thanks to their heavy plate armour, though many later monarchs favoured the flintlock pistol, including one absolutely massive one that must have been about eight feet long, thereby disqualifying itself from the “pistol” category somewhat.
Interestingly, there was also a P-90 “Personal Defense Weapon”, last seen in GoldenEye 007 on the Nintendo 64 — and in StarGate, apparently. Oh, and a gold-plated sub-machine gun. And a jewel-encrusted pistol that was actually a working thing, confiscated by the police. Kind of awesome, even if it did actually kill someone.
So anyway, this rambling does have a point: if you live somewhere with something awesome (or near somewhere with something awesome) then for God’s sake go and visit it. It’s famous for a reason.
Discover more from I'm Not Doctor Who
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
