Every day, it feels more and more like life is coming to the end of a chapter. No-one has said that irritating “as one door closes, another one opens” truism at me this time around, but I’m sure more than a few people have thought it. But the fact is, things are coming to a conclusion here. As much as I hate the thought of it, it’s looking like the “Southampton” chapter of my life is coming to an end. At some point in the next couple of months, it will be time to save my game, swap discs and enter a brand new tomorrow. Whether Disc 2 contains the same geography and different cutscenes or a whole new world map to explore remains to be seen. But it’s going to happen, regardless, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Events that were set in motion over a year ago have brought things to this stage. It sucks, but the best way through it is to just grit one’s teeth and shoulderbarge through it, hoping that nothing grabs on and bites me in the neck or anything.
My metaphors are getting more and more mixed and tortured, so I’ll stop that there. Let’s just say that tomorrow is going to be the beginning of the end of this chapter. I’m going to put my notice in on my flat. I can’t afford it by myself. And I don’t like to be a drain on my parents’ resources, as awesome as they have been to me. More to the point, cutting all ties with the past will be much easier once this place, full of those crystallised memories as it still is, is left behind.
The beginning of the next chapter is what is not clear. On Friday, I have a job interview. This job is based in Bristol. I have nothing against Bristol, and in fact have two friends who live there already and like it very much. But something doesn’t quite feel “right” about this job. I can’t explain it. It’s like a feeling in my gut. “Don’t do this,” it says. “It’s not right. However good the pay is.”
After some careful consideration and the advice of a close friend, I’m going to do the interview anyway and scope out the company. Unlike past interviews I’ve had for school-based positions, “real jobs” don’t tend to put you on the spot and insist you take or leave it straight away. Or so I’m led to believe, anyway. If nothing else, there should be a waiting period while they deliberate and do whatever they do with ticklists, points systems, dark sacrifices and… hey, I’ve never recruited anyone, all right? I have no idea how it works. In that time, I can reflect on whether or not it’s the right thing to do.
The alternatives are as follows.
1. To find a cheap crappy flat here in Southampton and pray that another job I applied for today comes off. Said job is based in Reading, which is in commuting distance of Southampton. I could move to Reading, but I really don’t want to as it’s a shithole. Job in question is right up my alley, though, and paid well. It was only advertised a few days ago, though, so it may be some time before I hear from that.
2. To move back home for a while. To that end, my good buddy Edd has promised to put in a good word for me at his place of employment in Cambridge. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, moving back home will be a good way to raise some money, get back on my feet and basically deal with all this. On the other hand, it means leaving behind people who are very important to me. I can always go and visit them, sure, but it’s not the same as knowing they’re just around the corner from me. Cambridge is a long way from Southampton. At the same time, though, I get to hang out with people I haven’t had the chance to hang out with for extended periods of time for ages.
3. To look somewhere completely different. I’ve pretty much ruled this one out. If I don’t get the Bristol gig, I’m not moving to an unfamiliar city if at all possible.
It’s a difficult situation, but the sooner I come to terms with the fact that dealing with it is going to involve some sacrifices—God knows I’ve had to put up with enough of those already—the better.
Here’s a promise then: by Day 200 on this blog, decisions will have been made and my path will have been set. For better or worse.
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Ah, the “end of an era” section of one’s life…so filled with excitement and uncertainty. In my experience, the less attachment I have to a particular outcome, the more apparent the solution becomes. See you on Disc 2. 🙂
Whar Chris said.
Here’s some video game logic to chew on:
You know how sometimes you enter an area in a game, and it doesn’t feel right? Nothing looks familiar and you have the feeling of “I’m notbsupposed to be here yet”. Then inevitably you come across some enemies you’re simply not equipped to deal with at the moment?
The later, after you’ve made your way through the world and completed some quests, you find yourself back in that area and trounce those enemies that once trounced you.
Sometimes life is like that.
Find where you’re supposed to be and follow that quest line, sir.
I apologize for the typos. I was typing that on my iPad while on the can. The sentiment is still there.
Speaking as someone who’s just getting into the swing of Disc 3 (think you know how disc 1 ended, sure you know when disc 3 began), all I can say is: progress. You’ve levelled your skills, you’ve got the XP. Go get the exploration achievement.
…was that gamer-y enough? 😛 Also, if you need to vent, you know where I am.
Well mate, if Disc 2 brings you back to Cambridge. I’m sure you know you’ll always have mates here. Give me a shout if you ever make it over this way!
Some thoughts:
There is no ‘work/life balance.’ Work is a part of life. I do not cease to be living while I am working. Don’t get a job that you don’t really want as it will affect you negatively. When you have previously had issues at work it has affected you on a broad scale. I would try and get something less well paid that you really want to do and be chirpy rather than getting a well paid job that may drag you down.
Secondly, friendships that are worth anything will survive a few hundred miles. No question. We’d all just have to make a bit more of an effort to be organised.
Thirdly, I have really hurt my foot.