Over the last few days, weeks, months, whatever, it’s been becoming clear that I’m not the only one having a shit time. Quite a lot of people have been having a shit time, for quite a long time, too. Estimates from several people, given completely independently, place the time of shitness as starting roughly 18 months ago and working from there. And that sounds about right to me. January 2009 is certainly when my downward slope started, though it took a while to pick up speed. Each thing I did that I thought was a positive move ended up being either not enough, or the wrong thing to do. I’m not sorry I took those steps, because I believe that they were positive steps, and the right thing to do at that time, but it’s not much consolation when I think about the position I’m in right now.

I know several other people that I’ve been talking to recently are in similar situations. Not necessarily for the same reasons. But for most of them, around the same time – January 2009 – things started taking a turn for the worse.

Some of these people I didn’t know back then. Others I didn’t know were suffering at the time. Others I did know were suffering, but didn’t know to what degree. Others still were happy to tell me everything. And some lied to make it seem all right when in fact that couldn’t be further from the truth.

A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say. And while it’s not nice to only ever talk about one’s problems with one’s friends, there’s a feeling of solidarity, camaraderie, whatever you want to call it, of helping each other through a difficult time. Everyone’s problems have a relative degree of intensity that is unique to that person. One person’s “I want to jump off a bridge” might be another person’s “get the fuck over it”. But it’s every person’s prerogative to think whatever they wish about their problems. Different people deal with different things differently. That’s what makes us – guess what? Different.

It’s all very well saying all this. Sometimes people can’t cope at all. I’ve felt like that before. I’ve had days when I can barely function. I’ve had nights where I haven’t slept a wink. Even now, now that there’s the possibility of things being back on the up, and good people coming into (and in some cases returning to) my life, there are still times when it’s so tough I wonder how I’ve made it this far.

There are people I don’t want to let down, though. And everybody needs people like that. Whether they’re friends, family, colleagues, whatever. Everybody needs someone looking out for them. Even if they’re not aware they’re doing it. Sometimes the thing that can draw you out of the darkness is the thought “what would so-and-so think about this?”, or “what would they do if they were here?” or “would they want me to do this?” They might never know what you’re thinking, what you’re doing, what you’re feeling. But the very fact they’re in your life is enough to give you the strength to do the right thing in many cases.

So, however shit a time you’re having at the minute, value your friends. Tell them you care. Let them know that you’re there for them. Don’t be afraid to let them know what you’re thinking, feeling or worrying about. You might not be able to tell everyone you know everything that you’re thinking or feeling all the time. But there will be at least one person out there who you will be able to tell, even if it’s only when you’re off your tits on scary drinks that combine things that should never be combined together like EVER.

So anyway. Profound thoughts on friendship done for the evening. I’ll write something funny again soon, I promise. But the last few days have just felt a bit, you know… well, like I want to write this sort of thing.

In other news, 3 days to go until 150. How should I celebrate?