Tag: sofa

#oneaday Day 789: Servicebot 9000

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Andie and I bought a new sofa today. (All right, Andie did all the talking and I sat on the sofa we were purchasing tweeting.) It was not a terribly exciting process, though the fact that in twelve weeks (three months!) we’re getting a comfy new sofa bed to put in our living room and replace the not-quite-as-comfy-as-it-should-be-and-slightly-stained-sofa we currently have is pleasing. Later on, we went to Nando’s for dinner.

I provide these details for context on what I’m going to discuss today, which is the concept of “customer service” as it stands in 2012.

When you’re looking for a good experience at a shop or restaurant, you generally want several things: to not be hassled, to get help when you need it, and to resolve any transactions involved in the encounter as quickly as possible. Ideally, we’d have an RPG shop setup, where you walk in, select the items you want and walk out again a few thousand gold pieces lighter. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work like that as sooner or later you’ll have to deal with people.

Or, more accurately, salespeople or waiting staff. I provide this distinction because interacting with one of these people is, a lot of the time, a very frustrating experience. This is largely due to the fact that they inevitably have some sort of “script” to follow and are obliged to mention certain things. In the case of the sofa salesman today, we had the spiel about the five-year stain protection, the “Special Cream” that we needed to take care of our new acquisition, the special things they could put on the feet to make it easier to move because sofas don’t have castors these days, and all manner of other shenanigans. In the case of the Nando’s waiting staff, we received our meals and within a minute of picking up our cutlery were already being asked if our food was all right.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have attentive staff ready to put things right if necessary, but when it feels like you’re talking to a robot it often has the opposite sort of effect. While we were going through the purchasing process for the sofa, every step was punctuated with a “I’m just going to tell you about the slightly more expensive leather you could have on it/the five-year protection plan/the Special Cream/the fact you should wipe it with a cloth every so often” when all I really wanted him to do was say “You want this? Fine. Sign here,” and be done with it. When I’m eating a meal, I just want to eat it rather than deal with someone buzzing around my ears asking if everything’s all right. If something’s not all right, I’ll make sure you know about it, chum.

It’s a fine line to tread, and one which not many retailers have quite got right just yet. The Apple Store probably comes the closest, since its Specialists are generally quite happy to have a natural-ish conversation with any customers in attendance, but they’re still obliged to mention the various services that the store offers — AppleCare, One to One, the Genius Bar and the like — meaning there’s always that slight element of roboticness there. They’re better than most, though, and can usually pick up on when you’re in a hurry and just want to choose something, give them extortionate amounts of money and get out before you decide that yes, that new iPad with the retina display really is very shiny and something that you want more than anything else in the world.

It’s difficult to know exactly how this question of “human” customer service can be resolved. Clearly, scripting employees’ conversations is not the way to go. That way lies the Path of the Telemarketer, and we all know how well-received those phone calls usually are. But if you leave people to their own devices to handle interactions, you get the sullen, grumpy, silent assistants who work in places like Primark and Dorothy Perkins. (To be fair, I can empathise; I’d be sullen, grumpy and silent if I worked somewhere like that.)

What needs to be taken into account to provide the best possible customer service, then, is the person themselves. When hiring someone to fulfil a customer-facing role, employers shouldn’t be looking for someone who can recite scripts from memory. They should be looking for someone who can develop a rapport with their customers; someone who makes people walk away from that shop or restaurant thinking “wow, I really liked that person, I’m glad they helped me.”

That takes time and effort, though, and a lot of customer service roles are seen as a relatively low tier in the hierarchy of an organisation — meaning that said time and effort isn’t always expended on finding the best possible people. Perhaps it should be, though — corporate culture and business-speak may be overly prevalent in society, but that doesn’t mean it’s a particularly positive development. After all, who would you rather buy an expensive thing from — someone who appears inherently trustworthy, friendly and knowledgeable; or someone who can recite a finance agreement from memory?

#oneaday, Day 133: Lazy Days

Everyone has lazy days. Days when nothing – nothing – gets done. And sometimes there’s not even a reason for getting nothing done. Just pure laziness. Or possibly your body telling your mind that it’s quite comfortable where it is, thank you very much, and would it mind awfully if it just sat here and atrophied for a few hours KTHXBAI.

It starts innocently enough. You sit down on the sofa. Perhaps you wanted a quick breather. Perhaps you’ve just had a phone call that went on for so long that that pacing-around-the-room thing that everyone does with mobile phones got a bit tiresome. Perhaps you were about to watch some TV. The circumstances of how you got to the sofa are about to become completely irrelevant.

At some point during your blissful reverie, something of earth-shattering importance will occur to you. Perhaps there’s a letter that you need to post today, or you’re running out of toilet paper and the shop is closing early for refurbishment today, or maybe you’re out of milk, or perhaps you actually have something useful to get on with. Whatever it is, your mind can’t stop thinking about it. A feeling of lurking panic starts to set in. What if you really need to take a dump and there isn’t enough toilet paper? There’s no-one else in the house so you can’t ask anyone else to go and fetch you some. Could you sink as low as using a towel or a newspaper? Or would you want to wash your shitty arse in the shower, like some sort of incontinent old person, only without a nurse to help you with the hideous process? The feeling of panic builds and you almost feel obliged to get up.

But no! Why should you get up? You’ve been working your arse off all week for little to no gratitude from the people that you work for. So you’ve earned this little sit down. You shouldn’t feel obliged to do anything. So you don’t. You say to yourself – possibly out loud – no. You are going to sit here until you’re nice and relaxed, or at least until Top Gear has finished. Then and only then you might think about getting up to post that letter.

“But the post goes at 4pm, and it’s 3.50 now,” says your mind. “If you don’t post that letter today, the council are going to charge you eight-hundred and fifty-four pounds for the privilege of another letter asking you where your eight-hundred and fifty-four pounds owed in money that they paid you by mistake actually is.” You close your eyes and block out the whingeing and nagging that your own mind is setting about you with. This is your time. Besides, the postman will come again tomorrow, and you can always change the date on the letter to look like you posted it earlier and it actually got lost in the post and then feign ignorance when the council start hammering on your door and bringing the bailiffs round.

You decide to give up trying to be productive and you lean back on the sofa in a more relaxed posture. Perhaps your mouth falls open in an expression of gormless contentment. You stare into space for a little while as the light starts to fade outside and you wonder if you probably should get up and cook something, but you’re not sure you can be bothered. You’d phone for pizza, but you don’t have any cash, and ordering one with a debit card is always such a hassle because they always phone back and say it hasn’t gone through and you think your card’s been declined because you’ve got no money but it’s actually them just typing the number in wrong and oh for heaven’s sake being by yourself sucks and wouldn’t it be much better if you had someone to talk to or cook dinner for? That might get you up off the damn sofa.

There are only two possible outcomes to this scenario once it gets to this point:

The first possibility is that you achieve victory over the soporific powers of the sofa, stand up and get something done. You post your letter, putting it right into the postman’s hand just as he is emptying the postbox into his big bag. Then you go and buy toilet paper and milk and order a pizza. Your evening goes swimmingly well, and you collapse into bed satisfied that you have spent your day as productively as you possibly could, with a much-needed break in the middle for a little quiet time and reflection.

And the other possibility is, of course, death.