Tag: psychology

#oneaday, Day 250: No!

The most difficult word to pronounce in the English language is not the one with the most syllables. For starters, opinion differs on exactly which word is the longest and most complicated one. “Floccinaucinihilipilification” is right up there, for one, but then “guar hydroxypropyltrimonium chloride” is pretty long too, but it is a shampoo ingredient and technically three words. Then there’s some weird science thing called “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” which picky Scrabble players reject because it doesn’t fit on the board and is also a word made up by SCIENCE! which therefore doesn’t count.

In fact, the most difficult word to pronounce in the English language is “no”. One of the shortest words there is. You can’t get much shorter than one syllable really. You could say nothing, but then you’re, well, not saying anything. So we can establish that “no” is one of the shortest words out there. There are ones with less phonemes or whatever that nonsense they teach in primary schools is now, but… just no, okay?

The reason “no” is a difficult word to pronounce is not because of its complexity. It is because of the emotional connotations. No is a negative, and using it often implies some sort of negative consequences.

Interactive Thought Exercise™ time! Consider how you would feel if you asked any of the following questions and the answer was “no”:

  • Will you marry me?
  • Do you like me?
  • Is this picture I’ve drawn you the best thing you’ve ever seen?
  • Would you like to play Scrabble with me?
  • I know we’ve only known each other a little while, but I really like you so I thought it’d be kind of cool if we could go and, you know, grab some coffee sometime or whatever and then see what happens—what do you say?

But then what everyone forgets is that, paradoxically, “no” can actually have positive connotations too.

Interactive Thought Exercise™ time again! Consider how you would feel if you asked any of the following questions and the answer was “no”:

  • Is it cancer, Doctor?
  • Do I look fat in this dress?
  • Have you ever been to bed with a better lover than me?
  • Have you ever seen anything more impressive than that awesome thing I just did?
  • Is there ever going to be another series of The X-Factor?

The thing is, though, it’s easier to focus on negative things than positive things. Who knows why this is? It appears to be one of those things that is bundled under the heading of “human nature” when neither the scientists or the psychologists can be arsed to work out exactly why it happens. But it happens, regardless. Sometimes we want to say “no” to something because we don’t want to do it, because it makes us uncomfortable or perhaps because the prospect of it terrifies us. But we don’t. Because we put ourselves in the shoes of the person who is asking us something and we imagine how they’d feel or react if we said “no” to them. We don’t want to hurt their feelings or look like a dick.

Chances are, of course, they wouldn’t react in the way we were thinking. And a key part of learning to be assertive is learning how to say “no” to these things. But it’s still difficult.

Of course, some people have absolutely no problem saying “no” to anything and everything. And, like their brothers and sisters who argue with everything, regardless of context? We also call these people assholes.

#oneaday, Day 207: Up ‘n’ Down

I think I might be bipolar.

Granted, my only justification for that is a cursory glance at Wikipedia and the observation that yesterday I was a depressive mess barely able to function, while today I’ve been not exactly what I’d call “enthusiastic”, but have at least got some things done and felt relatively “normal”.

There are, of course, extenuating circumstances to the way I’m feeling so it may not be a chronic condition after all, and naturally I wouldn’t want to publicly declare myself a manic-depressive without consulting an actually-qualified professional. Rather than, you know, a website where you can look up the details of a Frijj milkshake immediately after consulting it for psychiatric symptoms. (Consulting the site. Not the milkshake.)

The mind’s a funny thing. I often wonder if my mind and imagination work the same way as those of other people. I have a very visual imagination. I can picture things very clearly. I can imagine situations actually happening and unfolding. I can empathise with people because I can picture myself in their situation. And if there’s something I’m anxious or nervous about, I generally make it worse for myself by “replaying” the potential situation in my head before it’s even happened, and when it might not even happen at all.

This kind of mind is great for creativity, of course. It’s great for writing, too. When I want to write a cool description of something, all I have to do is imagine the thing in question being right there in front of me. In my mind, I can look at it from all angles, pick it up, touch it, smell it, taste it or punch it in the face. Where appropriate, of course. And then I just have to summon up the words to describe those sensations. It’s an interesting skill to have, and it’s one thing about myself that I wouldn’t want to change for anything, as inconvenient as it can be at times.

Inconvenient? Yes. As I said, this kind of imagination sometimes leads to anticipating things before they happen. I’m not talking having “visions” or premonitions or anything. I’m talking picturing what “might” happen, and “planning” the event in my head. Inevitably, things never quite go the way I expect them to. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes this is a bad thing. It goes to show the pointlessness of the whole exercise. But still I do it.

Sometimes I do it in reverse. I picture a situation that has already happened and I “plan” what might happen should I suddenly and magically get the ability to reverse time and do something again. Or indeed, to load a quicksave. (I swear, being able to “quicksave” would be the best superpower ever.) This is an even more pointless exercise. There’s no way I can change the fact that, when unexpectedly confronted with Don Woods, father of the adventure game, I didn’t really know what to say and ended up babbling like a schoolgirl confronted with Justin Bieber. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. At least it would be if you could do anything about it.

Oh well.