1581: Two Days

I’m tired, hot and stressed out. We’re moving on Wednesday, which means we have two more days to pack up all our stuff and be ready. I’m sure we’ll manage it, but right now my own feelings of exhaustion — brought on at least partly by the incredibly hot, humid weather we’ve had today — are making that “motivation” thing somewhat troublesome.

I’m sure it’s not as bad as it looks. I hope it’s not as bad as it looks. There is still a lot of stuff to pack into boxes, but at least we had a pretty ruthless clearout of books today, meaning there are a lot fewer of those to move than there once were. It was a little odd to throw out a number of books that have followed me around from house to house since before I went to university, but there’s really no point in carrying a lot of them around any more. All the fiction books I own that I’m going to read I have already read, and if I want a new book I’m more inclined to buy a digital book to read on the go rather than a physical one these days. (A curious inversion of my attitude to video games, where I prefer to have a physical disc.) The reference books I own are outdated and have been made largely obsolete by the Internet anyway. And I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I am never, ever going to read The Lord of the Rings. And so off for recycling they all go.

The last time I was so ruthless with my possessions was a few years back when I ditched the large cardboard outer boxes for the older PC games I still own. There are occasional times when I regret doing that, but my available shelf space thanks me. To be perfectly honest, I could probably stand to throw out some of those old PC games, too, given that a significant proportion of them almost certainly won’t run on a modern Windows 7 machine, but I can’t quite bring myself to throw some of them out. At least I haven’t been able to to date; perhaps I’ll have a closer look at what’s there tomorrow and actually chuck out the games that won’t work on a modern system and which have modernised digital equivalents available from somewhere like GOG.com or Steam.

It’s easy to get attached to possessions and fall into a habit of hoarding. I’ve done that to a certain degree over the years, but in a lot of cases the things that I’ve kept are conversation pieces. Someone sees I have an original copy of Wing Commander III on my shelf and it’s all “oh, cool! I remember that!” That’s also one of the big reasons I keep a big physical collection of console games from the PS1 era onwards — they look cool, they sometimes spark conversations and, frankly, I just like it. (One day I might return to collecting cartridges for older systems, but to be honest I’m much more inclined to return to a PS1 game than an N64 game. Sorry, Nintendo fans.)

Anyway, as the rambling nature of this post will attest, I am far too tired to be able to do anything particularly productive for the rest of this evening, so I think it’s time for me to get into bed. Tomorrow I am getting a haircut — it may sound ridiculous, but I’m convinced part of my tiredness at the moment is coming from the mane I’m currently sporting making my head far too hot — and then coming back to do some packing, packing, packing. Then it’s my final Japanese class for the academic year in the evening, and then probably some more packing, packing, packing.

I’m really looking forward to being in the new house. I just wish all the other stuff wasn’t between me and being able to snuggle down in our lovely brand-new bed.

#oneaday Day 585: Moving Day, Part 2

Getting there. Have driven 150 miles in a van today — not as terrifying as I was expecting, as the van was a lot easier to handle than the last one I drove.

The day opened with lots of packing of stuff into said van. This is a procedure by turns exhausting, frustrating, infuriating and stressful. And occasionally — for brief snatches of time when that box fits in just right like that long Tetris piece that comes along at just the right moment — satisfying. But that doesn’t happen much.

I didn’t get everything in the van, not because it didn’t fit but because I got to that stage where you’re so tired you want to throw things. I also determined that if I didn’t set off then I probably wouldn’t, making hiring a van somewhat unnecessary.

Still, it’s done now — the van is unloaded and I’m lying in bed, prepared to get up super early to drive 150 miles back to return the van, then drive all the way back again with hopefully the final load of stuff.

Then I get to unpack. Yay. That’s the fun bit though — you get to put stuff where it lives, and you end up with a finished house.

Nearly there.

#oneaday, Day 236: Moving Day

Apologies for the lack of comic today. I’ve run out of filler material. Note to self: stockpile strips for use in situations like this. Normal business will resume tomorrow.

Edit: Look, I added a picture, making that first paragraph completely redundant. I could have deleted it. But I’ve chosen not to.

You’ll forgive me if I forego my usually verbose nature (he says, picking the most pretentious words possible) just for the sake of today, I’m sure. Today has been a day of mixed feelings that I haven’t finished processing myself. So I don’t think I have any concrete conclusions to offer; this is just going to be one of those self-indulgent rambles.

No change there, then.

Today, I left behind the fine/chav-infested capital of the South Coast, Southampton. I know it feels like I’ve been saying this for a while now. But today it finally happened. I left my flat, I dropped my keys through the letterbox (picturing them landing and bouncing on the carpet inside in slow-motion with appropriately overdramatic “slam” sound effects with each impact) and said a last goodbye to the place I had once called home. It was difficult to do. I stood there with my hand in the letterbox for a good few minutes, not wanting to let go. But after mustering some mental strength, I did, and it was done. That particular chapter was closed.

I took a walk into town to burn the hours until I was supposed to be meeting some friends for lunch. I spent most of the time drinking coffee, reading Twitter and delivering an excessive amount of Follow Fridays as I realised I’m lucky to have so many friends right across the country and even the world, let alone just in that city.

It didn’t make it easier to say goodbye to those few special people though.

This is where those mixed feelings come in. On the one hand, leaving sucks, there’s no question of that. But on the other, there’s nothing like a crisis to discover who are the important people. To be fair, I knew already. It’s nice to have it confirmed. But heartbreaking to have to walk away from them, look back and know that they’re sad because of something you’re doing, whether or not it was your choice.

So to those few special people I said one last farewell to today, thank you for making my last day marginally more bearable. A lot more bearable, in fact. And thank you for making it hard to let go. To leave on the quiet, mourned by no-one after ten years? That would be awful. To leave knowing that people will miss you? As unpleasant as it is, it is also nice to feel appreciated and wanted.

As of now, I’m staying at my parents’ house. I am not feeling happy. Fresh start or not, tonight in particular is going to feel hideously lonely.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring more positive feelings. But it is going to take some time.

#oneaday, Day 234: Dear Friends

You’ll surely excuse the enthusiastic gushing and emotion that is shortly to follow. You’ll hopefully agree that it is justified by the time I’m done. I might be funny tomorrow. If I’ve had any sleep. Otherwise I’ll just be grumpy. “No change there then,” I hear you say.

As has hopefully been made abundantly clear by now, I am leaving Southampton very shortly. Some might say “imminently”. Specifically, on Friday. The vast majority of my stuff was taken away yesterday, meaning I’m currently ensconced in a hollow shell of a house that is but a shadow of what it once was, which was in turn a shadow of what it once was prior to that. But now’s not the time for such thoughts.

Today was intended to be a day of tidying up final bits and cleaning up. And indeed it has; I’ve packed up, tidied up and hoovered the bedroom and study, with more to be done later this evening. But today has also been a time to see friends, some of whom I haven’t had the chance to see for some time, and some of whom weren’t able to make it out on Friday for drinking and WUBWUBWUB.

So I spent the morning overcaffeinating myself with a “cafe crawl” alongside Ben “xoorox” Willmott (with accompaniment from Mike “Sex Panther” Porter in the first coffee shop) and then getting on with a bit of Java-fueled tidying. Having not slept terribly well last night, the experience of exhaustion coupled with hyperactivity was… curious, to say the least.

Just as Ben and I were parting ways, I ran into the very fine and lovely Elana “dollydaydream” Moylette (second from right in the header image, fact fans) who has been a great and wonderful friend over the last few years, ever since I trained the crap out of her at our local Apple Store. She was very keen for me to catch up with her later, and that’s what I’ve just done.

I’ve got to say, I am 100% glad I did. I am now the proud owner of possibly the best gift anyone has ever got me (and I got a Super NES one Christmas) – a beautifully-made scrapbook/photo album full of wonderful memories. It’s something that will be utterly irreplaceable in years to come, and evidence that however I might be feeling about the circumstances surrounding my departure from here, I’ve touched the lives of a whole bunch of people, and they, too, have enriched my life.

While it sucks balls that I am leaving, I’ve found it deeply touching that there are very obviously so many people out there who genuinely care about me, appreciate me for who I am and, above all, have helped me survive one of the most difficult periods of my life that I’ve ever been through.

So to all those people who’ve made it clear that I’m not going to be forgotten as soon as I drive off on Friday, thank you, from the very bottom of my heart. You are awesome, and I’ll never forget you or what you’ve done.

Hah. The comic I pre-prepared to go at the top of this post the other day seems rather flippant now. Still, there’s no arguing with The Robot.

#oneaday, Day 192: Movin’ On

When is somewhere not “home” any more?

Southampton has been my “home” ever since I went to university there in 1999. Even during the years I lived in Winchester and Aldershot, I still considered Southampton my “home”. But since everything that has happened, I think it’s lost its sheen. Part of this is, I feel, the city’s natural decline which has taken place ever since WestQuay opened slap bang in the middle of the town centre and promptly obliterated the High Street. But another side of it is, as my buddy Kalam said a short while back, having “got all you can” out of the city. It has nothing more to offer. You’ve completed it. 100%. Achievement Unlocked. That sort of thing.

I went to Cambridge today, a place I haven’t been for ages and the place I always say I’m originally from because no-one knows where “Great Gransden” is. I was there for a job interview, which I’m not going to discuss here for fear of jinxing things. But one thing struck me as I was in the city. Two things, actually. The first was “God, I hope I never accidentally drive into this city centre as it looks nightmarish to drive around”. Picture tiny, narrow, medieval streets. Now picture a fucking great bus going down them. Now picture about 300 cyclists cycling the wrong way down the street. Nice.

That wasn’t the important thing, though. The important thing I thought was “God, this place sure is nicer than Southampton”. I’m not sure if it’s always been that way and I just took it for granted growing up, but it’s a much more attractive city than Southampton. It seems cleaner, less crowded, less infested with chavs and the Starbucks that are there have a much wider selection of cakes and sandwiches. Even the women are hotter; a fact that several other people will happily back me up on.

So perhaps this is the right time to find a new city, and Cambridge should be it. There’s a lot to offer. This job, for a start. Some decent shops. Some nice open spaces. Decent people. Lack of chavs. A river that doesn’t look like a sewage factory, with actual person-propelled boats on it. A sense of history.

Southampton has many of these things, of course. But as I’ve said, the place has lost its sheen somewhat. Sometimes, I guess, you need a change. Particularly when a place that you once called “home” had everything that you once thought made life good stripped away from it. In those circumstances, I’m guessing it’s best to leave the past behind physically as well as mentally.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see how things work out. But today was very positive—that’s all I’m saying for now—and hopefully will lead to great things.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Oh, and I won a Diplomatic Victory in a game of Civ IV earlier. That’s not relevant to any of the above, but I thought I’d share.