It’s nearly 4am and I’m pissed as a fart. This is officially the first #oneaday I’ve done while under the influence of any sort of substance, so I apologise in advance for any typos or nonsense I am about to produce. I have already tweeted a whole load of shit, so if you’re really into the idea of reading drunken bullshit, I suggest you follow me on Twitter.

I went out tonight. I was meeting up with some friends I used to work with and have really been missing recently. Some of them know the details of what has been going on in my personal life recently, others don’t. (Incidentally, if you’re reading this right now and don’t know the details, I’m not quite ready to make it completely public just yet. Give it time.) The best thing about this evening is that my friends know how to have a good time with the minimum of fuss. There were no difficult conversations required, no prerequisites for the fun we were going to have, just an inordinately large amount of alcohol, some frankly fatal-sounding concoctions that I’m almost certain I’m going to regret in a few hours’ time and an awful lot of homoerotic dancing.

I apologise profusely to all my friends for fondling their nipples in a distinctly inappropriate manner, but none of you seemed to mind at the time.

Friends are great. I encourage you all to get some. As in some you can go out and see on a regular basis. I absolutely love my online friends and trust them absolutely, but sometimes there is no substitute for being in the same physical place as other people, letting your hair down and acting like a complete twat. There’s nothing I’d love more than to do the same with all the members of the Squadron of Shame. One day, perhaps. But for now, a huge shout-out to @dollydaydream, @kslice47, @HarmlessSaucer and @lukejhall for an enormously fun night out involving considerable amounts of drinking and watching ChatRoulette on a big screen.

Seriously, guys, what sort of person are you if you’re quite happy to go onto a webcam site and masturbate in front of someone you don’t know? Disturbing, but horribly, horribly compelling.