I have, to date, resisted taking the bait of the one and only Jonathan McIntosh, the complete tool who is responsible for the majority of the garbage that Anita Sarkeesian spouts on a regular basis, but witnessing his whining today that tabletop gaming is heavily steeped in colonial themes and mechanics, and that this leads to it being an overwhelmingly white hobby — this somehow being a bad thing, even if it were true (which I somehow doubt, since he failed to show any actual data to back up his assertion) — just proved to be a little too much for me. First he attacks video games; now, it seems, he’s starting on other forms of entertainment, too.
I honestly pity him a little bit. I don’t really understand what could have possibly happened in his life to make him such a malodorous thundercunt, but it can’t be a particularly pleasant life looking at the world through such an utterly joyless lens. Video games and tabletop games — not to mention all the other forms of entertainment media he’s doubtless had a pop at — are designed to bring joy to people, and in the latter case in particular, they’re designed to bring people closer together to share an experience in a face-to-face, social environment.
I’m not denying that there are plenty of games — particularly of European origin — that have colonial themes. But the reason for this is not anything to do with living out white supremacy fantasies or anything like that; it just so happens that the very concept of building up a civilisation or colonising an unexplored land makes for compelling, competitive gameplay.
And McIntosh’s assertion that the heavy use of colonial themes leads to it being a white hobby is absurd, anyhow; tabletop gaming is one of the most inclusive hobbies in the world. Thanks to its heavy reliance on abstract rather than literal representations, you can imagine whatever you like unfolding on the board in front of you. Who’s to say that the colonists in The Settlers of Catan are white, since you never see them? The meeples of Carcassonne have neither gender nor race. Agricola features a completely egalitarian society where both men and women do their part for the greater good as much as each other. Terra Mystica’s “human” characters are of a variety of ethnic origins. (Sorry, they’re “People of Colour”; God, I fucking hate that obnoxious phrase.)
Not only that, but his assertion that there are a “staggering number” of board games that focus on colonialism is likewise absurd. Looking over at my game shelf, it’s clear that this is just plain bollocks. Just on the top part of my shelf, I have a game based around King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table; one about medieval monks solving a murder; another about 1920s high society solving a murder on a train; another about Egyptians building a palace for Cleopatra; another about Middle Eastern-inspired nomads attempting to take control of a desert region and the genies that live there; one about driving cars very fast; one about the whole world coming together to fend off an alien invasion; and a dungeon crawler whose main character is a dark-skinned elf.
So fuck the fuck off, Jonathan McIntosh. Your views are utterly poisonous to the sanity of people who just want to enjoy their hobbies. If these things bother you so much, then perhaps you should find something more enjoyable to do with your time. Go and help starving children in Africa or something if you really want to make the world a better place. But no; that would involve getting off your pasty white arse and actually doing something rather than indulging in constant armchair slacktivism on the Internet, wouldn’t it? And we couldn’t possibly have that; far better to keep scripting nonsense for that pet hoop-eared cretin of yours to keep regurgitating just as everyone is starting to forget about you and enjoy the things they love again.
Get some joy in your life. And allow those of us who already have some joy in our life to enjoy it in peace, you absolute bellend.
I thank you.