2481: Rejected, Again

I did not get shortlisted for the job I mentioned the other day that I actually 1) rather wanted and 2) felt confident I would be able to do well at.

I am getting really quite tired of the same old copy-paste rejection email that everywhere seems to use. “Dear [name], Thank you for your application for [insert position here]. Unfortunately, on this occasion you have not been successful. Please have a nice life and try not to fall into a crippling pit of depression because no-one anywhere appears to want to hire you for anything, even things you have demonstrable abilities in and thus the potential to excel. Now we’re going out with the normal people who have real jobs. Fuck you.”

I added the last bit, but I feel like it’s implied every time I receive one of these.

I am sick of this. Fucking sick of it. I am doing everything “right”. I am following all the suggestions I read all over the Internet and hear in discussions with people. I am applying for jobs whenever and wherever I can, with preference for those positions that are directly relevant to my skills but also taking a chance on those that sound like something I might be able to do. I am updating my CV regularly, and producing tailored versions of it for different positions. I am writing covering letters that directly address the job description and person specification while making me appear like an actual human being rather than machine-generated business-speak.

And still fucking nothing.

I’m lucky to actually hear anything from all the places I’ve applied to. Most simply ignore me, leaving me wondering if I will ever actually hear from them, so I guess I should be a little bit grateful for those places that at least have the courtesy to give me a definite “no”, but frankly it’s hard to feel anything positive towards this whole ridiculous, demoralising and soul-crushingly upsetting process.

I should probably just go and apply to work at my local Tesco — they’re hiring, after all. But you know what? I’m absolutely sick of doing shit that is beneath what I’m capable of, what I’m qualified for and what I have demonstrable experience in. I’m sick of settling for not even second best. I am so much more. I am capable of so much more. But no-one will let me prove that to them. And that’s enormously upsetting. It makes me feel like it’s not even worth bothering to try.

I just want to be recognised. Appreciated for my talents. Acknowledged as a person. But none of those things are happening, and with each passing day this continues to be true I feel more and more worthless; a waste of space contributing little to the world and apparently having no skills that anyone considers to be useful or meaningful in 2016.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t see a way out of this pit. I’m trying, by God I’m trying, but the walls are smooth and slick, and there’s seemingly no way to pull myself up and out. And no-one seems to be coming to throw me a rope, either.

2350: Back to It

0350_001

It’s back to the jobhunting grindstone tomorrow. My wife Andie has found herself a new job and is starting tomorrow, which finally brings this difficult period of both of us being out of work simultaneously to a close, so now I just have to secure myself a position of some description.

Thankfully, there are a few possibilities on the horizon, for once. I sent out a huge number of applications over the last few weeks, taking a chance on positions that I might not have done before, but which I had the appropriate skills to be able to do with a bit of training. While I still wouldn’t describe myself as feeling particularly ambitious, I want to do something a little bit more lucrative than retail work; while I enjoy retail work for the most part, the pay is pretty shit, and certainly not proportionate to what you have to put up with on a daily basis.

While I’ve had a few rejections already, the fact I’ve sent out so many applications means that I don’t feel quite so bad about these as I have done in the past, because — this sounds bad, but you’ll know what I mean — I’m not especially invested in having that specific job. It’s not the perfect wonder-job; it’s just something I’ll be able to do that will pay a decent amount of money and give me the opportunity to progress if I want to — and, importantly, time to myself when I’m not there. A job that I can leave behind at the end of the day and the week and just get on with enjoying life; no taking my work home, like there was in teaching.

I got a voicemail message on Friday offering me an interview for one of these positions I’ve applied to. It’s not ideal due to where it’s located — I’d rather keep commuting time and distance to a minimum — but it’s something, at least. I also wasn’t able to get in touch with the contact who left the message for me because by the time I received it after taking care of some other business, they weren’t answering their phone, since they left me the message at the very end of the working day. Tomorrow’s job, then, is trying to get hold of this person and hopefully sorting myself an interview out for later this week. And then, if that happens, getting the haircut I’ve been putting off for the last six months as usual.

In the meantime, I’m hanging in there, just about. I’m continuing to update MoeGamer in my spare time — expect a gushing writeup on VA-11 Hall-A this week — and I’m also casually studying the material for the IT qualification known as the CompTIA A+, which if I can attain will make me eminently more attractive to employers in the IT field, what with it proving that I actually know my stuff about computers rather than me having to convince them using nothing more than a CV and a cover letter. I’m attempting to use my time productively when I’m not lapsing into depression, in other words, and on those occasions where I do lapse into depression, at least I have plenty of things I can enjoy to take my mind off said negativity.

Everything is going to be all right. Probably.

1588: 33 Bloke LFG

Ahh, I’m jobhunting again. Goody. It’s always so much fun to do this.

Actually, though, this time around I don’t feel quite as despondent about the process as I have done in the past. I am feeling pretty despondent about my impending unemployment, of course, but the timely acquisition of a new job will hopefully fend that off before things get too difficult to deal with — either mentally or financially.

When I’ve been in this position in the past, the main source of my despondency was due to the fact that, despite having both qualifications and experience, I wasn’t really sure what I should be looking for. The reason for this is that both my qualifications and experience are quite specialist, with the possible exception of my degree — I have a PGCE, which is a teaching qualification, which naturally suggests a career in teaching, and I have experience with teaching, working in retail as both a salesman and a personal software trainer, and I also have experience at quickly and efficiently churning out content that people might actually want to read for specialist websites.

The challenge now is in applying that knowledge and experience and being able to position my qualifications and skills as being suitable for… something else. There is absolutely no way I am ever going back into teaching, largely for the sake of my own mental health. I am also rapidly coming to the conclusion that I no longer wish to work in games journalism — I think there’s a whole post in my reasons for doing that, so I’ll save that for another day.

So what, then?

Answering this question is where I’ve stumbled before. When confronted with a website promising literally thousands of available jobs, where on Earth do you begin looking?

Well, this time around I quickly found some suitable positions to delve into, largely in the web content editing and/or internal communications fields. Both types of position are directly relevant to my past experience, albeit from a different angle, and both types of position are something I could absolutely, positively do right now without requiring any additional training. For the most part, too, both types of position offer a salary that is at least competitive with what I’ve been earning at Gamer Network, and with the prospect of future promotions and actual career development — something that simply wasn’t there with any of the games journalism positions I’ve held in the last few years — I might actually finally be able to get my hypothetical income graph heading back upwards instead of, as it’s been doing for the last few years, downwards.

Anyway, that’s the situation right now. My Bank Holiday Monday is likely to be spent looking for and applying for more and more jobs. Hopefully one of them at least will come to something, as having dealt with long-term unemployment on one occasion in my life I’m in absolutely no hurry to return to that situation — particularly now Andie and I are safely in our new house.

#oneaday Day 718: Job Hunting… Again

I was turned down for a job today after two strong interviews. I can probably mention what it was now that it’s all done and dusted — I was looking to return to working in the Apple Stores, only this time in one of the three stores near me over at Bath or Bristol (which has two, the greedy pirate-talking bastards).

I’m not too cut up about it. I’m sort of surprised I got as far as I did as, to be perfectly honest, my previous stint working for aforementioned fruit-based corporation didn’t end on the best of terms — though I hasten to add it wasn’t anything to do with the company itself, or indeed anything I did wrong. Rather it was the result of standing up to what essentially amounted to workplace bullying from several senior staff members, and me tending my resignation before things really got out of hand. I bear Apple the company no ill will, though I do find myself wondering if I blotted my copybook somewhat by leaving in the circumstances I did. I contemplated not mentioning my past stint at the company, but in all honesty, the good times at Apple far outweighed the bad; lying is not something I’m good at (nor do I want to be good at it); and, to be frank, I was an awesome employee there that customers liked, and I had sales and satisfaction metrics to back it up. I wanted to talk about my past times there; it’s just a shame they ended the way they did. (And yes, I’m still a bit bitter about it.)

Ah well. This is the second attempt I’ve made to rejoin the company, and the second time I’ve been turned down after getting quite a way through the process. I think I’m calling it quits now, particularly as things are making movements in other territories.

You may already have noted that I’m writing for Inside Social Games and Inside Mobile Apps, covering the latest in Facebook and iOS titles. While these games aren’t the most compelling things in the world for those of us who have been raised on computer and console entertainment, the fact that there are fucking millions of the bastards means that there’s always something to write about, and the different audience of Inside Network’s sites presents an interesting new challenge for my writing skills — now I’m essentially writing for professionals, specialists and businesspeople rather than consumers. While this means that the things I’m writing aren’t as “general interest” (or at least “general gamer interest”) as the things I was covering for GamePro, there is an audience, and plenty of things to cover. Which is good.

As well as this, I got an Exciting Email today which I’m not going to go into details about as yet because maybe nothing will come of it. But if something does come of it it could be potentially Very Exciting News Indeed. And Very Exciting News Indeed is always pleasurable to share, because it leads to lots of comments and Facebook Likes (as lazy a social gesture as they are, getting a bunch of Likes on some Very Exciting News is always quite satisfying). But I’m getting ahead of myself. We are in the territory of naught but Very Exciting Potential right now, but just keep your fingers crossed for me, and I’ll either explain soon or babble on about something completely different in an attempt to make you forget I ever mentioned it.

To any prospective employers who happen to be reading this: hire me. I’m super-awesome. If you want evidence of how committed I am to projects, take a look at the number on top of this post. That’s seven hundred and eighteen days I’ve been posting blogs for. Every day. Even while going through some of the most difficult periods of my life, and even while holding down a full time job which also demanded me writing a ton of stuff every day. I say I’ll do something, and I’ll do it, and I have plenty of highly respectable people who will vouch for that fact. Just ask ’em.

No? Ah c’mon. I’ll do a stickman caricature of you and everything.

Fine. But know that all you’re doing is enabling my Civ V and The Old Republic addictions.

#oneaday, Day 309: One Of Those Days

Nearly everyone I’ve spoken to has had an absolutely terrible day today. If you are one of those people who has had a terrible day, I offer my sympathies, condolences, fistbumps, high fives, whattups, hugs, manly nipple tweaks or cock-punches (take your pick) and understand entirely if you’re currently feeling a bit less-than-optimum.

Me, I’m right there with you. I too have had a pretty rubbish day. For starters, I had a job interview. That in itself is not, in fact, rubbish. It’s something which should be celebrated and applauded, given the length of time I’ve been jobhunting without success. However, the fact that I drove 120 miles for said interview only to discover at the interview that the job in question was only likely to be for four or five hours a week? That was rather more irritating. Particularly as the interview itself was lengthy, stressful and presided over by one quite attractive and pleasant woman and one rather rude lady. I spent the whole day with bubbling bowels, and for what? Naff all, it seems.

I then had to drive 120 miles back home. Fortunately, I’d done the driving there last night, as I didn’t fancy going there and back in one day. But, as luck would have it, tonight was National Traffic And Roadworks Appreciation Day, with everyone driving extra-slowly to admire the one set of roadworks on the M25, then the next set of roadworks on the M25, then the roadworks in the Hatfield Tunnel on the A1(M), then the roadworks about two miles further up on the A1(M). All told, it took somewhere in the region of A Very Long Time to get home, during which I was feeling very tired and a bit embittered at the fact I’d pretty much wasted a day I could have spent doing far better and/or more productive things.

Sadly, the surprises the day had to offer didn’t end there, either. I knew that today I’d be hearing from another job—one that I was particularly enthusiastic about and very much looking forward to the possibility of doing—so I was prepared, but feeling reasonably confident after my interview and my contact with the employers in question. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Apparently I was near the top of the list, just not top of the list. Perhaps it was one of those situations where they just had to pick one person or the other. And, as luck would have it, it wasn’t me.

In some senses, it’s a bit of a lottery, applying for a job you really want. Because all the preparation in the world, all the confidence you exude in the interview, all the important buzzwords you try and drop into conversation, all the thought-provoking questions you provide; sometimes it just comes down to a simple choice. And sometimes that choice isn’t going to favour you.

I just kind of think it’s about time one of those choices did favour me, hmm?