Tag: free time

1823: Pondering Free Time

I think I’m bowing out of the creative writing project for the moment. I may revisit it at some point in the future, but for now I need to stop. It’s stressing me out a bit — not because of the subject matter which, as regular commenter Jud pointed out, is, to an extent, drawn from my personal experience (albeit not the more fantastic stuff), but rather because… well, look at the clock.

I got home from work about ten minutes ago. I am exhausted. I spend up to three hours of my day travelling to and from work thanks to an absolutely hellish commute that I can’t see a way around (aside from just quitting, which isn’t a practical or desirable option), which means that on weekdays up to 12 hours of my time is taken up with Stuff I Have To Do rather than Stuff I Want To Do. This makes the few hours I have in the evenings to actually do Stuff I Want To Do extremely precious to me, and churning out 1,500-2,000 words a day in a story where I’m not entirely sure where it’s heading eats into that time and is starting to feel a bit like an obligation rather than something fun to do.

I like writing. I really like writing. I wouldn’t have been posting this bullshit for 1,823 days if I didn’t. But there are days when I need a break, and to relax, and to post something that just vents a bit of steam, or gives thanks to a higher power for an entertaining dog I saw on the street or something like that. I’ve always said with regard to this blog that the moment it starts feeling like work rather than something I actually want to do, I need to stop. So far that hasn’t happened — it’s come close a few times, but I’ve always managed to find something to write about day after day, even if the post ends up being little more than a glorified diary entry. (Still, those posts can often be the ones that spark the most conversations or give you, dear readers, the best insights into what goes on inside the messed-up mind I call my own.)

The stuff I’ve been writing, though, I need a break. That is feeling like work, and given how tired I am when I get in of an evening, more “work” is the last thing I want to think about. I want to sit down, have some dinner, watch some TV, play some games, go to bed and then repeat the whole hideous process over and over again until it’s time for a weekend. (I really like my weekends now, which is one arguably positive thing about life having a proper job with the rest of the normal people.)

So, then, I’m sorry to anyone reading that this disappoints, but I’ve learned throughout my life that if you keep doing something when you don’t really want to, you start to resent it, and any joy it once held for you is lost. I don’t want that to happen with writing — creative fiction writing or otherwise — so it’s time to take a step back, chill out, relax, and perhaps return to it at some point in the future. Or perhaps do something else entirely! Who knows. That’s the joy of being freeform.

Anyway. I need to go and sit on the sofa, lean my head back and groan about how tired I am for a bit. Then eat dinner. Then play some games. Then… well, I went through the routine above.

Thanks for continuing to read!

#oneaday Day 97: The Grindstone

For those of you who don’t know, I’m currently writing daily for GamePro. This is, of course, awesome and I’m both happy and honoured to be able to do so, even if it means having to remember how all you Americans spell things and the fact that companies are singular nouns, not plurals.

Having been out of full-time (well, pretty much any work) for the best part of a year, coming back to actually having to do stuff in the daytime is, unsurprisingly, a bit of a system shock. Not in a bad way, though. On the contrary, it’s nice to be able to get up and know that I have Things To Do. I don’t know if you (yes, you, reading this) have ever experienced unemployment, but while it sounds like the best thing ever in many ways—just not having to commute is heavenly—after a while it does get both annoying and demoralising.

Which is why returning to work—even if it’s work from home at curious, PST-friendly hours like I’m currently doing—can sometimes be a surprise. Having had entire days of nothingness to fill with any combination of sitting on the Internet, watching TV, trawling your DVD collection, playing video games or even—shock—going out—having a healthy chunk of your day taken up by Stuff You Have To Do means that you have to rethink things somewhat.

It’s a lot more difficult to find the time to go out running, for example. I could go in the mornings if I woke up a bit earlier, of course, but still operating on a slightly-skewed body clock means that doesn’t always (ever) happen. There’s the weekends too, of course—but then weekends get filled up with socialising and doing things you don’t have time to do in the week. You start to understand the expression “not enough hours in the day” all too well.

Don’t get the impression I’m complaining—I’m really enjoying the work I’m doing and I hope that shows in what I produce. I like what I do and people who read it seem to like it, too. So that’s all good. I just find it quite amusing that when you have the time to do everything you might want to do, you don’t have the means to. And when you do have the means to, you don’t have the time! Craziness.

I couldn’t tell you for sure if things are going to stay exactly this way, but it’s certainly better than the way things have been. It’s been a long, difficult and not particularly pleasant road to get here, but it’s entirely possible that the destination’s in sight. What that destination is? No idea.

We’ll find out, I guess. Watch this space.