Being something of a fat shit (yes, this is how I think of myself and, judging by comments I’ve had in the street in the past — though thankfully not for a while — how other people see me too) is depressing. I’d go so far as to say that my weight is the single thing that upsets me, makes me angry and demotivates me more than anything else. I hate being big. It’s uncomfortable. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating when it means that there’s things I can’t do. And, given the world’s love of fat-shaming, it’s embarrassing.

I’ve tried lots of different things to do something about it. I got into running and even got reasonably good at it — good for a fat guy, anyway — but then lapsed somewhat. There have been times when I had a decent gym routine going, but since my new job started the motivation for that has plummeted as all I want to do in the evening is just get home and relax. I tried Slim-Fast for a while, but there’s only so long you can eat chocolate bars filled with wood chippings before it gets extremely tiresome. None of them seemed to have a noticeable effect, and all I’ve done is just continue to gain weight over time, not helped by the fact that I have a tendency to comfort eat if I’m feeling down. See how these vicious cycles start?

I took a positive step last night, though, and a risk: I stepped out of my comfort zone and went out to a local Slimming World group. A couple of people I know have had some success with the programme, and it appealed to me for its flexibility. The thing that has put me off other diets in the past is the amount of restriction and faffing around involved — all that weighing, measuring and feeling guilty. Slimming World, conversely, simply encourages you to think a bit more about what you’re eating — which is the magic ingredient in weight loss — but not to deprive you of the things that you enjoy, just to perhaps cut down on them a bit.

The programme is in three parts: “free” foods, “healthy extras” and “syns”. The “free” group includes stuff you can have as much as you like of — surprisingly, this includes things like pasta, potatoes, rice, (lean) meat and all manner of other things, plus, as you might expect, fruit and vegetables. The “healthy extras” group is subdivided into two sections: milk and cheese, and “other stuff” including cereals, grains, soups and all manner of other stuff. You’re supposed to have one thing from each of these two sections per day. “Syns”, meanwhile — short for “synergy” — are the extra things you can scarf down in a day. Different foods have different “syn” values — these values roughly equate to the number of calories in a dish — and you’re encouraged to have between 5 and 15 syns a day. Today, for example, I had a latte at work (5.5 syns) and the last two Jelly Babies in the bag that was on the table in the lounge (2 syns) and was still comfortably within the day’s “limits”.

For the first few weeks, you’re encouraged to keep a food diary to help you stick to the plan, and I can see it being a helpful thing to look at. Today I’ve been thinking about what I’ve been eating, but I haven’t been made to feel guilty about getting hungry or wanting to have a snack partway through the afternoon, since I snacked on “free” foods rather than syns. I don’t feel like I’ve been depriving myself, which in turn doesn’t make me feel depressed and resentful like other diets have made me feel in the past.

So, while I realise it’s Day One and thus there’s plenty of potential for things to go horribly wrong, I’m presently feeling fairly positive about the whole thing, and hope it actually makes a difference for me. Because I’m sick of being the way I am, and I really hope that I can do something about it.