Tag: cycling

#oneaday Day 861: Cycle of Life

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Today I took ownership of a shiny new bicycle. It is red.

Technically I took ownership of a shiny new bicycle (that was red) yesterday, but said shiny new bicycle was far too big for me, meaning that my testicles suffered considerable (and uncomfortable) compression when attempting to stand astride it, and making actually getting on to the saddle without looking like some sort of Special Person an impossible task. It didn’t do wonders for my confidence, so I took it back and exchanged it for a smaller one. Now I can ride it without feeling like I’m going to fall off. At least, not quite as much.

I haven’t ridden a bike for at least five years, I think. I used to do it a fair bit and have always enjoyed it, despite not being very good at it. I’m fairly clumsy and cack-handed and balance has never been a particularly strong point, meaning that I’m not very good at doing things like signalling, or riding without my hands clamped firmly to the handlebars. (Any tips for getting over that particular phobia are most welcome.) I’m also not particularly good at going uphill, changing gear (with either hand) or bumping up onto a pavement. But I can, at least, pedal, move forwards and stay upright without falling off into heavy traffic and dying, which is a start.

Cycling is good exercise. I’ve been doing a lot on the exercise bike at the gym recently — up to an hour at a time — and it got me thinking I should get back on the “real cycling” at some point, particularly as the weather is so nice at the moment. Observations so far are that real cycling is significantly more challenging than gym cycling (at least on the resistance level I’ve had it set at, it seems) but you get to be outside and have the nice feeling of the wind rushing past you, which is most pleasant and one of the reasons I’ve always enjoyed getting on a bike as a means of transportation and recreation.

That “transportation” part is a good thing about real cycling. At the gym, you pedal and pedal and pedal for hours and don’t go anywhere, you just make the little numbers on the screen go up. On a real bike, you can actually go somewhere that is too far away to walk. Granted, the speed at which I cycle probably isn’t significantly faster than walking (unless I’m going downhill) but at least it makes some places that were previously inaccessible without jumping in the car a little more, well, accessible. This is nice. I could probably even cycle to the gym if I tried hard enough, though I then have to consider the fact that I also have to cycle back after exerting myself lifting heavy things and/or all the other stuff I decide to torture myself with.

I would very much like to get fit and lose weight, as has probably been made clear numerous times on these very pages. The more alternative activities I have to help achieve that goal, the less likely (hopefully) I am to get demoralised or bored with the whole thing. I’m doing pretty well with watching what I eat and trying to get more exercise on a regular basis — this is just another means to that end. We’ll have to wait and see if it helps. Hopefully it will.

#oneaday, Day 190: The Highway Code Errata

It has come to our attention that there are a number of sections of The Highway Code which state rules incorrectly. This document is designed to correct these mistakes.

Rules for Pedestrians

  • ITEM 1 – “Footways or footpaths (including any path along the side of a road) should be used if provided.” should read “Footways or footpaths are optional for use when intoxicated.”
  • ITEM 4 – “Young children should not be out alone on the footway, footpath or road.” should have “unless you can’t be bothered to look after them yourself” added.
  • ITEM 13 – “Routes shared with cyclists”. This rule is obsolete. Pedestrians may go wherever they want regardless of anyone else.

Rules for Cyclists

  • ITEM 69 – “You MUST obey all traffic signs and traffic light signals” should read “You MUST NOT obey all traffic signs and traffic light signals”.
  • ITEM 71 – “You MUST NOT cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red” should read “You MUST cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red, particularly if there are pedestrians on a crossing.”

Rules for Motorcyclists

  • ITEM 88 – “You should be aware of what is behind and to the sides before manoeuvring” should read “Manoeuvring may be done at any time regardless of your surroundings. THINK BIKE, is what everyone else should be thinking.”

Rules for Drivers and Motorcyclists

  • ITEM 91 – “the most effective ways to counter sleepiness are to drink, for example, two cups of caffeinated coffee and to take a short nap (up to 15 minutes)” should be in bold, red print.
  • ITEM 97 – “[Before setting off you should ensure that] you have switched off your mobile phone” should read “your mobile phone is within moderately-easy reach and is not attached to a hands-free kit, particularly if driving a car of German origin.”
  • ADDENDUM – “Drivers of cars of German origin have a special function, normally occupied by the hazard warning lights. Simply activate these lights to be legally permitted to park anywhere you like, however inconvenient it may be to other users and whether or not it is otherwise legal to do so.”

Traffic Signs

  • “No Overtaking” should read “No Overtaking unless you think you can take them”.
  • “Maximum speed” should read “Minimum speed”
  • “No entry for vehicular traffic” should read “No entry for vehicular traffic, except you, because you’re special.”
  • “One-way traffic” should read “One-way traffic recommended, but optional”.
  • “No waiting” and “No stopping” should both have “unless you are driving a Mercedes, BMW or Audi and put on your hazard lights” added.
  • “Loose chippings” should read “Wheelspin zone”.
  • “STOP” should read “GO”.
  • “GO” should read “STOP”.
  • “No vehicles carrying explosives” should read “WTF are you, a terrorist?”
  • “No U-turns” should read “U-turns permitted for German cars only”.
  • “Steep hill downwards” should read “Step on it!”
  • “Steep hill upwards” should read “Step on it!”
  • “Cattle”, “Wild animals” and “Wild horses or ponies” should all read “OMG AMINALS”.
  • “Queues likely” should read “Queues guaranteed”.
  • “Humps for 1 mile” should read “Innuendo ahead”.
  • “Hump bridge” should read “Dogging hotspot ahead”.
  • “Risk of ice” should read “You work it out”.

Thank you for your understanding. An updated edition of the Code will be printed and released shortly.