1340: Bzzzzz

Think I’ve had too much caffeine today. I sometimes feel like caffeine doesn’t really affect me all that much, but then I drink as much as I apparently have today and I get all jittery and anxious. It’s not an altogether pleasant feeling, but at least I think it’s finally wearing off and I just want to sleep. It’s like that moment in The Sims 3 where your temporary caffeine buzz positive moodlet wears off and is replaced by a caffeine crash negative movement. Actually, it’s not “like” that at all, it just is that.

I should have probably heard the warning signs when I went to work in the coffee shop earlier, and I ordered my usual “first drink of the working day” if I’m working in there — an iced white Americano. I’m pretty sure that up until today, the people there have been making said iced white Americanos wrong, because previously they looked more like iced lattes. (I don’t mind; I like iced lattes. Iced Americanos are marginally less calorific, though.)

“Four shots,” said the girl serving me to her colleague who was preparing my drink. Four shots? So I was essentially drinking four espressos in one go? Hmm.

I thought nothing of it at the time, and it certainly didn’t feel like it had much of a “kick” while I was drinking it, so once I’d got on top of all the work I had to do I had a latte to keep me going through the rest of the afternoon.

That was the tipping point, I think. While it was delicious as usual, once I finished it I started to feel a little queasy. Not to the point of actually wanting to be sick or anything, just… not quite right. And as the day continues to progress, I started to feel more and more anxious and jittery. As I said before, it’s not an altogether pleasant feeling.

There’s probably a lesson to be learned amid all this somewhere. Will I learn it, though? Probably not. I give it a few days before I do this exact same thing to myself again, completely accidentally.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and try and sleep. Or, failing that, I’m going to stare at the ceiling for a few hours while trying very hard not to let all the chattering inside my brain distract me too much. Or, failing that, I’ll go and play some more GTA V, which has hooked me a whole lot more than I thought it would. The police chase I had earlier, which culminated in me driving an open-top sports car up a mountain and then flinging it off the summit at top speed, only to cartwheel several times on the way down and land right way up on the freeway while in the middle of a phone conversation, made it all worthwhile.

Anyway. Sleep. Attempted sleep. Whatever. Bzzzzzzz.

1114: Amazing Discoveries

Amazing discovery of the day: my Nespresso “Aeroccino” milk frothing device not only heats and froths milk suitable for both lattes and cappuccinos (it’s all to do with how wibbly-wobbly your whisk is, apparently), it also makes a killer milkshake.

I’ve had a pot of Mars milkshake mix lurking in my cupboard for months now — it even moved house with us back in December — but I’ve not had that much of it despite it being yummy because apparently I am crap at mixing powder-based milkshakes by hand. They almost inevitably come out either lumpy or not actually tasting of the thing they’re supposed to taste of, and are thus infinitely more disappointing than a milkshake you’d pay well over the odds for in a single-portion bottle. (I say “single portion” — most of the nutrition info in the side of bottles of things like Mars milkshakes and Frijj seems to imply that a “normal” person would drink no more than half the bottle in one go. Who does that?)

As an experiment, then, I decided to use the Aeroccino, because I knew it had a “cold” mode that does all the stirry-stirry business, but doesn’t do all the heaty-heaty business like it normally does. I plopped in the appropriate amount of milk and a few scoops of the Mars milkshake mix, then pressed and held the button until it went blue rather than the usual red… then sat and hoped that it didn’t blow up. There’s no reason why it should blow up simply from having a bit of powder in it as well as the usual milk, but, well, I was still doing something with it that you’re not really supposed to.

What do you know? It made a perfect, lump-free milkshake that actually tasted like Mars milkshake without being all powdery and horrible. I call that a victory. It didn’t even gum up the stirry thing with goopy half-dissolved milkshake mix, meaning it could just be rinsed out ready for the bajillion cups of coffee I will almost inevitably consume over the course of tomorrow. (I’m having a bit of a caffeine crash as we speak — I’ve largely been drinking strong black “Lungos” today and thus have been a bit wired for most of the evening.)

I find it oddly satisfying to use culinary implements for purposes other than that which they were originally intended. (Get your mind out of the gutter, you filthy pervert.) That and doing weird things with stock foods. Adding hot sauce to reheated bolognese. Layering a slice of beef under the cheese of cheese on toast. (I call this “Deluxe Cheese on Toast”.) Dipping Bovril on toast into tomato soup. (Seriously, try this, it’s delicious. Assuming you like Bovril on toast, obviously.) Making weird sandwiches. (I put a whole roast dinner — well, the leftovers thereof — in a sandwich once, and you really haven’t lived until you’ve had a pie sandwich.)

I have no idea where I’m going with this post, to be perfectly honest. I think it’s probably best that I just stop writing here as it’s nearly 1am and I’m quite tired. I seem to have fallen into habits of staying up quite late again. I should probably try and kick that, because it makes it difficult to get up in the morning. Oh well.

See you tomorrow.

1087: Recaffeinated

I’m in serious danger of becoming a coffee snob. I haven’t had a cup of instant coffee — not even the nice Nescafe Azera stuff (which I can highly recommend for people who don’t have more complicated coffee-making equipment but who find normal instant coffee to be gross) — for quite a while now, and am instead enjoying an array of cafetiere and espresso coffees.

The reason for this is primarily the fact that Andie and I acquired a Nespresso machine as a Christmas present to ourselves. I’ve owned a coffee machine for quite a while, but it’s a right faff to keep clean, plus it vibrates so much when pumping the water through it that the cups fall off the platform. Not ideal.

The Nespresso machine (a Krups U, if you’re curious) is lovely, though. You turn it on, wait for the little light on the top to stop flashing (which takes less than a minute, rather than waiting for a kettle to boil), pop in a coffee capsule and close the slidey lid thing, ensuring you have a cup underneath first, obviously. After a loud farty noise (and a complete lack of accompanying vibration, unlike with my previous coffee machine) you have a cup of espresso. Combine this with the “Aeroccino” milk frother (which either does warm, slightly whisked milk for lattes and warm, fluffy, frothy milk for cappuccinos) and you have the means of making some fine, fine coffee right in your own home. It’s the kind of coffee that’s even nice just straight and black — the machine makes a lovely crema on top that makes it nice and smooth and easy to drink, even without milk.

We actually got a Nespresso machine just before Christmas, albeit sans the Aeroccino frother thingy, but it seemed to be leaking a lot. We just put it down to us doing something wrong somewhere along the line, but one morning it blew a fuse in the flat, suggesting that it was, in fact, faulty and water was getting into places that water wasn’t supposed to get into. We’re waiting for the ever-unreliable Yodel to come and pick up our old one so we can get a refund, and we purchased a combined package that included the frother thingy from John Lewis in the meantime — it worked out cheaper than buying the frother separately.

This kind of “capsule coffee” machine has been around for a while now, and I’ve held off looking at them until now as I was concerned that the capsules were wasteful and would end up costing significantly more than fresh-ground or instant coffee. The difference actually isn’t that bad — I can’t remember the exact “price per cup” it works out to offhand, but it’s certainly fairly reasonable and definitely way cheaper than going to Starbucks. You also get a selection of different coffees bundled with the machine for you to try out, and we also snagged a voucher to get a bunch of money off an order from the Nespresso “coffee club”, so our next order of capsules should be significantly cheaper than it would be normally! There’s the mild inconvenience of having to order them and receive them through the mail rather than just nipping down the shop when you’re getting low, but it’s easy enough to see how many capsules you have left and prepare accordingly.

If you’re in the market to become a coffee snob, then I can personally recommend the Nespresso machines as, beside our leaking problem with our first machine, they seem to be well-made pieces of kit that make good coffee and are simple to keep clean.

Too lazy to Google it? Here you go.

#oneaday Day 974: The Caffeine Review

I review games and mobile apps every day. So really, how difficult can it possibly be to review something that isn’t a game or a mobile app?

I thought I’d try today with coffee. I am going to work my way through all the different types of coffee in the house today in an attempt to determine whether or not said different types of coffee do, in fact, taste any different or whether we’re just being taken for a ride.

Let’s begin! (Note: I drink my coffee with a splash of milk and no sugar. I know, I know, if I’m truly hardcore I should drink it black, but… no.)

Kenco Millicano

Kenco Millicano purports to be a “wholebean instant” coffee that, in theory, should taste a whole lot better than regular instants such as Nescafe et al. And indeed it does — there’s none of that “dirty water” taste (though granted, given the state of our kettle, it’s entirely possible that it is just dirty water when that taste comes up) and a pleasing aroma. It has a smooth flavour that is just the thing for a morning coffee — enough of a taste to wake you up a bit, but not so intense that you’re wincing at the bitterness.

Rocket Fuel

This coffee supposedly contains guarana, that mysterious ingredient that powered those weird Boost bars with crunchy green bits in them a while back. I remember a friend and I eating too many of those in one day once — some promotional ladies were handing them out in the student union — and literally being unable to stay still for afternoon classes. I’m not entirely sure if this coffee will have that effect as yet. Actually, I do feel slightly more alert after getting through that whole cup. Interesting. Caffeine normally doesn’t feel like it affects me that much, but I can certainly feel this one kicking in.

As for the coffee itself, it’s not especially great. It tastes like cheap instant (and isn’t that cheap) and has a weird aftertaste. Specifically, it has that distinct “dirty water” taste about it, though not to the same degree as cheap own-brand supermarket coffee. It’s certainly drinkable. We’ll see how I feel a bit later to determine whether the “kick” is worth the peculiar taste.

Nescafe Latte Macchiato

Rocket Fuel’s surprising intensity also came with a big caffeine crash a couple of hours later, so I decided to dial back the intensity somewhat. Nescafe’s Latte Macchiato sachets make a cup of weak, milky, bubbly coffee and are all too easy to make lumpy if you don’t stir them hard enough. They’re not particularly strong or “coffee-y”, but they’re nice and smooth if you’re just looking for a warm drink.

Real lattes take the piss out of them, though.

Starbucks VIA Italian Roast

This stuff makes a strong cup of coffee with a smoky flavour, and was just the thing to top up my flagging caffeine levels, as I’m not entirely convinced there’s any caffeine in those poncey bubbly Nescafe things. Starbucks coffee has a kick, though, and the Italian Roast blend is definitely on the “strong” side of the spectrum, both in flavour and in caffeine content. At least it felt like it was on the strong side, anyway. It’s good, but expensive. Now I feel a bit more awake.

Nescafe Azera

This is Nescafe’s equivalent of Starbucks’ pretentious VIA coffee. Like Starbucks’ pretentious VIA coffee, it’s a very finely-ground instant coffee that makes a convincing-looking cup that has the appearance of having come out of a machine, complete with crema on top. It’s about half the intensity of the Starbucks’ blend, however, meaning you need to use twice as much of it to get a satisfying cup of coffee. Fortunately, the little pots they sell it in are about twice as big as the pots of Starbucks’ pretentious VIA coffee for half the price, which is nice, and I like the way the little bubbles make the nice crema on top when the water goes in and I already said that and wheeeeee this is nice and I’ll never get to sleep tonight after all this.

Percol Decaf Colombian

BuzzbuzzbuzzbuzzI’mabeeI’mabeeI’mabee like the Black Eyed Peas wheeeeeeeee coffee coffee coffee too much coffee argh I can’t take any more coffee please make it stop I can’t sleep I want to sleep WANT TO SLEEP SO BAD but can’t too much coffee why am I still drinking this I don’t know it’s not as good as the Starbucks and Azera ones but its still quite nice and I’m just glad it doesn’t have any caffeine in it supposedly I hope so any more caffeine and my head will explode EXPLODE DO YOU HEAR ME ARGH NYARLATHOTEP that’s what I’ll do now I’ll watch Haiyore! Nyaruko-san until this buzzing sensation in my head wears off and I facvvvvvvvvvvbyhgbngybnm;lcv

#oneaday Day 639: Unnecessary Injuries

Have you been injured in an accident that wasn’t your fault? Then call Injury Lawye– wait, no, that’s not what I was getting at.

Have you ever hurt yourself on something that really shouldn’t hurt you? It’s an infuriating experience. Today I injured my thumb on my trousers.

Yes, really.

Let me explain. I have a pair of cheap-ass jeans from Primark (I know, I know, child labour, but cheap. I couldn’t afford to be ethical while I was unemployed) that are fine for most things, but one of the rivety things or whatever they’re called that holds the pockets in place is coming off a little bit, meaning there’s a bit of a sharp edge upon which it’s very easy to nick oneself. Normally I remember it’s there, but as I was sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee this morning I caught myself good and proper on the thumb, ripping off an impressively sizeable chunk of skin and causing it to bleed profusely.

This would have been infuriating enough had I done it in private, but of course I was in public at the time, meaning that any number of people could have witnessed me sitting at a table with clearly nothing around me that could have possibly injured my finger, yet there I was clasping a bloody napkin to it and wincing.

The only thing slightly more embarrassing than injuring yourself on something as innocuous as a pair of trousers is injuring yourself (in public, naturally) on absolutely nothing at all — the “I Just Tripped Over My Own Feet” scenario. There are few ways to deal with this that leave you with any dignity remaining — whether you choose to simply take the fall and hope that a kind passer by helps you up, assuming that you’re some sort of invalid, or to stumble and break into a slow run as if you always intended to lurch forwards in the way that you did, everyone around you will know that you tripped over absolutely nothing at all and are, therefore, a Bit of a Spaz.

Should you find yourself injuring yourself on a pair of trousers or tripping over absolutely nothing at all (bar your own feet) then there’s likely very little that Injury Lawyers 4 U (“We’re real lawyers!“) can do for you. Unless you’re planning on suing yourself for being such a damn clumsy twat. And that, as I’m sure you’re aware, would be an ultimately self-defeating exercise. Literally.

You could always hope that someone was there with a video camera hoping to make a quick buck from You’ve Been Framed, of course. If you spot yourself on the TV, then be sure to claim likeness rights. You’ll be in the money. Maybe.

#oneaday, Day 179: Back to…

Evening all. After the considerable amount of depravity that took place last night I’m pleased to report something of a return to normality, though my head doesn’t quite believe that yet, still wobbling a little bit as it is. I’d also like to assure everyone that this post is written entirely by me and no other drunken people passing my phone around and sharing their pearls of wisdom with the world.

On a side note, whoever wrote this:

This is going terribly badly, but it pretty much sums up how tonight is going with the drink flowing freely like paradise city if the drink flowed freely instead of the girls being pretty.

I actually love you. Well done.

It wasn’t me. I don’t think. I’d remember coming up with something like that.

Anyway. Today has been largely wasted in a hung-over haze. We didn’t get home until well after 5 in the morning. The sun was rising, the birds were singing; it would have been quite beautiful were we not all quite so obliterated with the incredibly strong vodka we’d been plied with. Still, despite five completely necessary yet discreet early-morning trips to the bathroom that I am assured no-one else heard, we all slept very well. Admittedly, most of us not in our own houses. But we slept well nonetheless.

A little too well, in fact. Despite waking up repeatedly for aforementioned bodily cries for help, I fell asleep until well after lunchtime. There was no sign of my previous night’s companions, and a croaky-voiced shout of “anyone up yet?” outside the bedroom doors didn’t elicit any response. So eventually I figured enough was enough. I shouted a crackly “goodbye” and staggered out into the street feeling more than a little bit shaky. I realised that I wasn’t quite sure where I actually was in town, and the battery on my phone had died in the night.

Luckily, it wasn’t difficult to get back into town, and I plied myself with a coffee and a bacon sandwich that I ate very, very carefully. I managed to make it home without succumbing to the hugely lazy desire to get a taxi for a trip of less than a mile. When I got back in, I slumped on the couch for a bit and stared at the wall, half-asleep. But there was work to do; I have a job interview tomorrow, and there’s a presentation to deliver as part of it.

Trouble is, this job is in a field that I’m sure I could do but have little to no experience in. I’m not a marketer, though I’ve written stuff that could technically be classed as “PR” in the past. I know my way around social networking and know how to promote things; but at the same time I don’t want to become one of those douchebags who describe themselves as a “social media guru”.

Nor am I particularly enamoured with the idea of wearing a suit, which this job sounds like it will require. Suits look great on the right person, sure. But particularly in the summer months, there are few things more unpleasant to wear than a suit. Heavy woolen trousers and jacket? Shirt that seems to get sweaty pits as soon as you put it on? No thanks.

As you may have gathered, for a variety of reasons, I’m not feeling particularly fired up about this interview. I’m not sure why; ever since the company first got back to me and expressed an interest it hasn’t felt quite “right”. Initially, this was because of the prospect of having to move to a new city for it. I’ve kind of accepted the fact that that is going to be pretty much inevitable now, given the startling lack of any jobs that are the slightest bit interesting in Southampton. But even accepting that, things still didn’t feel quite “right”. It doesn’t feel like the right fit for me.

The advice of friends has convinced me that I should go anyway, see what the company’s like, scope the place out and get a feel for it. If it turns out to be awesome, great. If not, 1) it doesn’t matter because I have other prospects lined up and 2) it’s good experience.

A job’s a job, I know. But there are other prospects on the horizon that, while they pay less, offer the opportunity for much, much more in the way of happiness. And at the end of the day, I think that’s the most important thing.