London, UK – 2nd September, 2010 – DECLASSIFIED: Prepare for the follow-up to the biggest entertainment launch in history: on 9th November, Call of Cthuty®: Black Arts™ will introduce fans to the occult world of HP Lovecraft. Activision Publishing, Inc. (Nasdaq: ATVI) and award-winning developer Starfuckers, Inc. will take players behind the lines of madness in an entirely new and ill-advised chapter in the groundbreaking and record-setting, No. 1 first-person action series of all time.
“My favourite part is the one where Dagon kidnaps the president,” said Starfuckers, Inc. Vice-President of Scenarios and Scripting Ashton Raze. “OF MEXICO.”
Players will face off against their darkest fears in an epic struggle for survival against gradually-dwindling sanity. And when the time comes, the Dark One shall arise, and the world shall be devoured!
“The way I see it,” said Bobby Kotick, Activision CEO, “is that we already sold our souls some time ago. So why not celebrate the Dark One in the only way we know how: by offering players the opportunity to participate in a futile and expensive struggle against an inevitable decline into insanity from a first person perspective with lots of big guns and no women whatsoever?” Kotick later explained that girls have “cooties” and he wanted nothing to do with them.
Activision also announced a multi-year agreement that will bring Call of Cthuty® add ons and map packs first to the Xbox LIVE online entertainment network.
“The Dark One needs His tribute, which is why we’re thrilled to announce this Xbox LIVE agreement,” said Philip Earl, Executive Vice President and General Manager of Activision’s Dark Arts and Call of Cthuty® Business Unit. “This agreement reflects our shared and continued focus on funding the Dark One’s attempts to break into this world via microtransaction, and our willingness to drive our playerbase insane by releasing content at a price significantly higher than any other publisher out there.”
Call of Cthuty®‘s revolutionary multiplayer mode features a robust progression system based on the player’s insanity level. Reaching new heights of madness unlocks “Jerks”, involuntary bodily spasms which allows the player to personalise their individual avatar in a unique manner until they are a shambling, stumbling mess only fit to turn their own gun on themselves.
“With 25 million members, Xbox LIVE is a prime feeding ground for the Dark One,” said Marc Whitten, Microsoft’s corporate vice president of Xbox LIVE. “With the release of Call of Cthuty®: Black Arts™, it presents a whole new opportunity for Him to feast upon the player base. And come on, who’s going to miss those racist fucktards anyway?”
About Activision Publishing, Inc.
Headquartered in Santa Monica, California, Activision Publishing, Inc. is a leading worldwide developer, publisher and distributor of interactive entertainment products, and also a glad receiver of lots of money from people who are happy to pay over the odds. Activision maintains operations in the U.S., Canada, the United Kingdom, France, Germany, the Ninth Circle of Hell, Ireland, Italy, Sweden, Spain, Norway, Denmark, the Netherlands, Purgatory, Australia, South Korea, China and the region of Taiwan.
Cautionary Note Regarding Forward-Looking Statements: Information in this press release that involves Activision Publishing’s expectations, plans, intentions or strategies regarding the future are forward-looking statements that are not facts and involve a number of risks and uncertainties, such as the Dark One’s devouring of the world, which may put the kibosh on the whole Xbox LIVE exclusivity deal as without a world, there will be no Xbox LIVE on which Activision can sell map packs for $15 a pop. Activision Publishing generally uses words such as “outlook”, “will”, “could”, “would”, “might”, “remains”, “to be”, “plans”, “believes”, “may”, “expects”, “intends”, “anticipates”, “estimate”, “future”, “plan”, “positions”, “potential”, “project”, “remain”, “scheduled”, “set to”, “subject to”, “upcoming”, “blood sacrifice” and similar expressions to identify forward-looking OH GOD HE’S COMING SET LOOSE THE PUPPIES OF WAR BLOOD BLOOD SO MUCH BLOOD FORGIVE ME FORGIVE ME FORGIVE ME FORG—