I’m away for the weekend. Specifically, I’m in the middle of nowhere in Worcestershire for my friend Tim’s stag weekend (or “bachelor party” as you Americans prefer to call it). We’re having a weekend of drinking, board games and shooting each other (but mostly Tim) with Airsoft guns. Sounds like fun.

Of my friends who have got married whose stag dos I’ve been to, none of them have done the stereotypical “get hammered in Amsterdam, hire hookers then leave Stag Boy in an embarrassing position to be discovered by the police/his parents after several hours of considerable discomfort”. And I’m actually quite grateful for that. Although everyone jokes about that being the way that stag dos are “supposed” to go it never struck me as particularly fun — especially not for the Stag, who will probably be left rethinking his friendships in the hours between being chained to the lamppost and having to explain to the nice police officer why he is naked and covered in margarine.

My own stag do was relatively stereotypical — paintballing in the daytime followed by drinks in the evening — but I chose to invite my female friends also, and nothing embarrassing happened. Not that I remember, anyway. I remember it being a rather fun night — there are certainly a bunch of photos suggesting it was lurking around somewhere — but I didn’t leave it thinking “wow, my friends are a bunch of bellends.” Which, again, I’m quite grateful for.

A stag do should be an opportunity for the groom-to-be to have some time with his closest friends — regardless of gender if he so desires — and have a memorable “send off” before married life. That looks like exactly what this weekend is going to be, so I’m going to take the time to relax and enjoy it hopefully as much as Tim will.

Bed now. The drinks have been flowing freely and we’ve been playing Cards Against Humanity for the past few hours. Hilarity, as usual, ensued, but I’m more than ready for sleep now!