Tag: autism

#oneaday Day 172: Things you’re not allowed to pretend you were the first to think of any more

Christmas is coming, and that means yet another year of people who think they are absolutely hilarious for informing you of their sudden revelation that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Societal norms dictate that you are supposed to laugh at this, pretend you’ve never heard it before and explain, incredulously, that “it really is, isn’t it?” or something along those lines.

As an autistic person, I have the regrettable tendency to spot patterns in everyfuckingthing, particularly human interactions. And, doubly regrettably, I find predictable patterns in human interaction oddly infuriating. One would think these patterns would make communicating with one another easier, particularly for one with the social anxiety that so often goes along with autism.

But no; somehow, I have transcended these “easy wins” of polite conversation and crossed over into the territory where I can see these mindless, predictable exchanges as being utterly meaningless, devoid of any real connection between the participants, instead just relying on quoting something other people have said a million bajillion katillion times over already.

I think my distaste from this at least partly stems from someone I knew at university who, in retrospect, was probably also autistic, as his sole contribution to conversations on numerous occasions was to repeatedly and relentlessly quote Blackadder, devoid of any context whatsoever. It wore me down so much over the course of four years that I was not able to even contemplate watching Blackadder for a good long while afterwards.

It’s not just that, though, as I’m sure even a non-autistic person can understand how that would become exceedingly annoying over the course of four years. I think the thing that frustrates me more than anything is how I’m sure everyone involved in the conversation about how Lisa from Accounts “can’t deal with the word ‘moist'” knows that, in fact, Lisa from Accounts really has no strong feelings about the word “moist” and is instead simply parroting something she heard someone else say that she found quite amusing, perhaps in the hope that someone she likes might flirtatiously start using the word “moist” around her more, giving her ample opportunity to do that thing where people go “oh, no, stop, you big silly” and push someone away while laughing, when they actually just want to shag them.

Or something. I don’t know. The very prospect of behaving like that has always annoyed me sufficiently that I never attempted to carry it through to potential shag territory.

It’s the insincerity of it that bugs me, I think. It’s the very worst kind of small talk; supposed “communication” that is doing nothing but fill silences, but nothing of any real substance is being discussed. People aren’t actually getting to know one another or improving their relationships with one another when they have the “pineapple on pizza is weird, isn’t it?” discussion; they’re simply reading from the hymn sheet in a vain attempt to make themselves look Funny and Cool, because as everyone really tries to drum into you while you’re growing up, Having A Good Sense of Humour is the most important character trait anyone can develop, regardless of situation.

I do not, at this point, wish to imply that I am devoid of a good sense of humour. In fact, I have a fucking excellent sense of humour, thank you very much. Well, okay, I still have pretty much the same sense of humour I did when I was 15 years old, which means I still find farts hilarious, but at least when you let out a particularly salty grunt in front of friends, family or colleagues, you’re taking a bit of a risk under most circumstances. You’re putting yourself out there (quite literally, in terms of gaseous emissions) and, effectively, saying “this is something I find funny” without resorting to material that Michael McIntyre might find “a bit tired”.

Of course, I appreciate that there are doubtless plenty of you out there who think a rancid bottom-burp is the absolute worst thing someone can do in polite company. And that’s fine, too. There are plenty of people I wouldn’t (voluntarily) let off a trouser-trumpet in front of because, despite the autism, I know that it’s not a good idea.

But even so. A fruity guff is something you’ve made yourself, rather than stolen from wherever these inane non-discussions came from in the first place. And thus, if you want to be pals with me, I’d much rather you let rip with a thunderous eggy woofter than even think about telling me how funny it is that Die Hard is “technically” a Christmas movie.

Parp.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

#oneaday Day 67: The pleasure of organisation

Ahead of the new piano arriving on Friday, we bought a new filing cabinet. The idea was to replace the clapped-out old bookshelf we have in the back room that currently holds my music books, and to just generally tidy up that back room a bit now that there’s going to be a nice shiny piano in there.

I derive quite a bit of pleasure from organisation. I often have a bit (all right, a lot) of trouble actually getting started, but once I do, I find it immensely satisfying to put everything into place, sort things into alphabetical order and know that everything has a “right place” to put things into. By the same token, our larder cupboard in our kitchen drives me nuts because it’s a chaotic bomb site of a cupboard, where you take your life into your own hands any time you attempt to extract something from it without causing an avalanche of baking materials, cereal and cat food.

I know exactly why I derive such pleasure from organisation, of course; it is doubtless to do with the autism, what with one of the key characteristics of those of us On The Spectrum being an appreciation for orderliness, routines, patterns and suchlike. Even better if said orderliness is all your own work rather than a structure built by someone else that you’re having to adapt to.

Going through the music books was nice for another reason: it made me realise that I have a lot of them, and there’s a fair old chunk of music in them that I’ve just never played. For the most part, the music books I own fall into two categories: those which I acquired while I was actively having piano tuition, which are mostly “classical” books from historical art music composers; and those which I have acquired in more recent years, which tend to be piano arrangements of soundtracks from video games and anime that I particularly appreciate. I’ve been playing a lot more of the latter in more recent years, but with the new piano it might be time to revisit (or explore further) into the other stuff.

The reason why I own so much stuff and haven’t played a lot of it is simple: when learning stuff while having piano tuition, my teachers would often suggest a piece of music to learn, which was only available as part of a larger book, usually of a single composer’s work. So for example when I learned how to play Liszt’s Consolation No. 3, I also acquired a book of other short piano pieces by Liszt (including, among other things, the other Consolations). When I learned a Mozart sonata, I then had access to all the Mozart sonatas because while you can buy some of these pieces as individual sheet music, it’s generally more worthwhile in the long term to buy “The Complete Mozart Sonatas” or equivalent.

So I’ve got a lot of stuff to explore once the new piano gets here. I’m going to have to get back into the habit of playing more frequently, but I suspect with a decent-quality instrument readily available, that won’t be too much of an ordeal. Getting myself back up to the standard I was once at might take a bit more work, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it as another means of expressing and enjoying myself if nothing else.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.