It’s coming up on a year since my departure from the obnoxiously-named “world of work”, when I left my employment at a primary school, went to PAX East and had what was to this day the happiest week of my life, then came home only for my life to completely fall to pieces two short months later.
Now, here I am, and some things have changed, and some things aren’t any further along than they were even back then. I have some awesome new people of various descriptions in my life, for one thing, and while most of them are some distance away, none of them are so far away as to make it completely impractical to go and see them. This is a Good Thing.
I also have a sweet writing gig that I’m absolutely loving. I enjoy doing the news posts every day and I’ve had great fun at the events I’ve had the opportunity to attend so far. This is also a Good Thing.
But I get the impression that some Decisions are going to have to be Made at some point. How much do I want to be a writer in the games industry? Quite a lot, as it happens. Despite having been technically “unemployed” for the last year, I’ve been doing a lot of writing and I haven’t reached that “jaded” stage that some writers have got to—the stage where they’ve forgotten to have fun with what was once their hobby. I don’t see myself getting to that point any time soon because I’m a fan of games, the games industry and everything it involves, and hopefully that comes across in my writing. I believe that I’m a good writer and a valuable addition to any of the teams I’ve been part of over the years, and friends and colleagues would (hopefully) back me up on that front. I certainly have a heap of LinkedIn recommendations that would attest to this.
So what’s the problem? Well, as much as I love it, it’s not a full-time gig… at the moment, anyway. Making it into a full-time gig would likely, at this time anyway, involve having to whore myself around to a number of outlets on a freelance basis, without any particular guarantee of a particular amount of money coming in each month. I wouldn’t have a problem with this were it not for the fact that the events of the last year have left me in a terrible state financially. The thing I find myself constantly coming back to is whether I should leave behind “the dream” and get a full-time job instead. Practically speaking, it’s the thing that would probably make most financial sense, and anyway, there’s nothing to say I can’t continue contributing to sites on a freelance basis while I hold down another job.
So I have been applying for jobs. And applying. And applying. And tweaking my CV and cover letter and trying new templates and writing in different styles. And nothing. This is immensely frustrating as I know that I am Good At Stuff. But on paper I am qualified for just two things: writing and teaching. Teaching I have no desire to go back to as it’s nearly killed me on two separate occasions, but I have a lingering fear that it’s the only career path I can all but guarantee I’ll be able to find myself a position in. I’ve held three teaching jobs in the past, all of which were in schools that could politely be described as “challenging” and as such my perception of the profession may have been coloured in a slightly negative light. But I’m not sure I want to risk my sanity and happiness (well, potential happiness, anyway) diving back in “just to see” if I was just imagining it was as awful as I thought it was.
In summary, I’m not sure what I “should” do. A job’s a job, after all, and anything that gets some money coming in is surely better than doing nothing and having no money coming in whatsoever. My quandary is this, then: after this long out of full-time work, should I continue looking for that elusive something that’s going to make me happy? Or after this long, should I just take whatever the hell I can get?
And are you hiring?
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Kids are shit, but can/would you teach adults. The JobCentre got fed up with me and sent me on a course with some business that helps people get back into work. The guy teaching there used to be a high-school teacher. There’s places you could teach at that don’t allow kids but aren’t universities.
I hope someone starts paying you to write stuff soon, though.
Do not do something that won’t make you happy. You’re kin the enviable position of not feeling the need to do that ‘rope to rope’ jungle climbing thing where you have to find another position before you leave your current one. So you took a year off, what’s another couple of months? Spend them making finding your dream job your new full time job. Don’t be limited by qualifications or salary. Do what you love. From what I’ve read so far, you love writing and games, so do that. Do it as an unpaid intern for a couple of months if you need to at first. Do it for a smaller salary than you would normally get in a call centre, or a school, or wherever. Do not go back to do something that you clearly hate and that will only put you back to square one. I completely respect and admire the fact that you were brave enough to make a leap and take time out – it takes guts to do that and you’ve effectively wiped the slate clean, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Follow those dreams, kiddo!
I really want to be positive, I really do. But, I can’t.
I think you’re an amazing writer, I wrote you a LinkedIN recommendation after all. But there are so many great writers like yourself in the same position and not enough jobs to go around. I’ve had the same issue, I’m nowhere near the caliber of your writing but I tried to work in the industry. As you probably know, I gave up after 18 months trying to break into the “big time”.
This left me with several years unemployent rendering practically everything on my CV null and void. I wouldn’t say to give up (yet), but I would certainly start weighing up options for if it doesn’t work out. Otherwise you could be another six months down the line with your CV worse for wear.
Not trying to be negative, mate, realistic maybe?!
Mm. I do see your point, Dan. My hesitation is that with the stuff I’m doing over at GamePro right now, I feel like I’m halfway there (albeit very much living on a prayer) and to “give up” (for want of a better term) feels like a waste of what reputation I have managed to build up over the last year.
The trouble with writing gigs is, as you say, they’re very competitive and there are by no means enough to go around. This means that when it comes to going for one, there’s a large element of luck involved besides your own ability—and luck is something I’ve had something of a deficiency in for the last year.
I’m no closer to deciding what to do, but I am still applying for “other” jobs in the hope that something with awesome pay that I enjoy will show up. I just don’t want to find myself back in the classroom of a tough school fending off nervous breakdowns again.
Have you thought about teaching?
HA HA HA… ha