I’ve been an absolute ball of pent-up anxiety for… probably a few days this week, if I’m honest, but it’s been particularly bad today. As is often the case when I find myself getting panicky, there isn’t really a concrete root cause of it, but there are plenty of factors that haven’t helped.
I’m having one of those times where everything just feels a bit overwhelming, and I feel like I can never quite get “on top” of things. It’s not necessarily having too much to do or think about, more a disproportionate sense of how “important” everything is.
The rational part of my brain knows that nothing I’m presently fretting about is important or worth worrying over, but when your brain enters panic mode, none of that matters; it just builds and builds and builds until you feel ready to burst.
Like, right now I’m typing this on my phone and the inaccuracy of the keyboard is winding me up way more than it would do under normal circimstances.
I think being ill hasn’t helped matters. Part of what I’ve been worrying about is whether or not I would be better enough to attend tomorrow’s work Christmas activities. They should be fun, but they’re also filling me with a certain amount of trepidation and social anxiety, and worrying over whether or not I’d be well enough to attend has just been making me feel worse.
But I’m going to try and clear my mind, get some sleep, then go and enjoy myself tomorrow. I get to take a trip to London, then enjoy making cocktails, a nice dinner and then some evening drinking and socialising. And no worrying about travelling back late from London, as we have a hotel laid on for us. So that will be nice.
It will be nice. There’s no need to worry. Then at the weekend I get to go see my brother because he’s making one of his occasional trips across the pond back here, and see my parents for a bit (prior to seeing them again at Christmas!)
Everything will be fine. I just need to keep telling myself that. None of what I have just outlined is any reason to be uneasy, scared or anxious. So I just need to calm down, chill out, relax and sleep.
So let’s see if I can achieve at least one of those.
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