I can’t shake the feeling that life just used to be… more interesting. When I look back on the last time I did this #oneaday thing and consider all the things that happened back then, and I look at today, I can’t help but feel that while there were things that happened back then I’d rather not go through again, things were certainly more interesting and exciting.
Part of this is self-inflicted, of course. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago for a variety of reasons: physically, mentally and emotionally. I’m older, so of course the day-to-day nature of one’s life changes as you age. But in the middle of all that there was COVID, and that, for me, is where a lot of the dissatisfaction I’m feeling right now started from.
Sure, it was easy to joke about the COVID lockdowns as being government-sanctioned “not having to go out and interact with three-dimensional people”. And that was fun for a bit. Plus I certainly don’t want to go back to a full-time office job, because working from home is just way more convenient. Any bosses who are attempting to get their workforce back into the office full time are just trying to exert control over them: simple as that. And, frankly, fuck that.
But the COVID lockdowns also brought with them the inability to see friends and family, and that lack of socialisation has persisted long after the lockdowns ended. My “IRL” friends were already reaching a point where they rarely wanted to do anything together due to them starting families and whatnot, but things haven’t picked up at all ever since their children grew up a bit and the restrictions on us doing things together lifted. Even trying to get any of them to play something online occasionally is like pulling teeth from a particularly bloodless stone.
And daily life feels increasingly dominated by “online” and social media. I’ve doubtless spoken before about how odious I find TikTok and short-video culture, but every time I inadvertently come into contact with a vertical video of someone yelling at their phone camera, I’m reminded that the world moved on and kind of left me behind a bit.
To be perfectly honest, I’m pretty sure the world left me behind 20+ years ago. I’m pretty sure I was at my happiest and most content between 1997 and 2002 — the years from sixth form to the end of university. I had friends, I had hobbies, I had things I could go out and do, and I never felt the same sense of indefinable “pressure” on my mental health that I do today. Sure, there were things I wish I had done differently and regrets I have, but I was happy and satisfied with my lot in life.
Today? I feel like I’m being ungrateful when I say that I’m dissatisfied with existence, because I have a lot that I should be thankful for — a wonderful wife, two gorgeous cats, a nice house, a video game collection that would blow the mind of my teenage self — but life in general just feels so empty. And I don’t really know what to do about it other than wallow in nostalgia and think about how nice things used to be.
Oh well. I don’t have any solutions for that right now, so I think I’m just going to go upstairs and watch another episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.
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