I don’t really have a lot of interesting things to talk about right now, regrettably; I’m in one of those weird sort of “void” periods between meaningful things happening in my life.
I’m no longer at my previous job, and I don’t yet have a new one. There are a few possibilities of new jobs on the horizon, but none have come to fruition as of yet and, on more than one occasion, the possibility of them coming to fruition has been postponed indefinitely as I find myself, frustratingly, waiting for other people for whom I have no direct contact details to get back to me.
I’m not entirely sure where I’m going to end up, at this rate. As I noted when I left USgamer behind, pursuing further opportunities in the games press as it exists right now appears to be the height of folly. The business is a total mess, and is simply incapable of providing the stability that I need at this point in my life. Plus it’s riddled with so many frustrations — some of which I’ve touched on in these very pages — that I’m not sure I even want to pursue it anyway, even if it did offer a stable career path. But that’s a subject for another day, I feel.
My days right now, then, are filled with not all that much. Browsing for jobs, submitting occasional applications, Atelier Rorona Plus, Final Fantasy XIV. I should get out and go to the gym or go for a swim, but the motivation is sorely lacking right now. I would probably feel better if I did so, and I know that, but something stops me every time. Perhaps it’s the prospect of the long bus ride into town — Andie and I only have one car between us, and she uses it to get to work every day, leaving me reliant on public transport while I’m at home. (I’m not complaining about this, by the way — it’s just the way things are!) Perhaps it’s the fact that up until today, the days have been scorchingly hot and humid, which aren’t particularly conducive to the prospect of physical activity. Perhaps it’s the fact that I simply don’t really want to because I know it’s going to be tiring, uncomfortable and painful.
Or perhaps it’s just that perennial bugbear, the old faithful companion, the Black Dog. The thoroughly undesirable situation in which I find myself right now is playing havoc with my mental health, and there are days when I simply don’t want to do anything productive. My anxieties about all manner of things manifest themselves in the form of terrible dreams — or, last night, in the form of simply not allowing me to get to sleep at all.
I do not like it. It’s frustrating. It’s demoralising. And the really annoying thing is that there’s only so much I feel I can do about it at the moment. I can’t make these job prospects get back to me any more quickly; I can’t magically make myself feel better; I can’t summon up motivation out of thin air, as much as I’d like to.
And so I continue on in the void, hoping someone will turn a light on soon so I can find my way back to some semblance of normality.
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How about indulging in some comic strip creation? It’s been quite a while since we saw any of your stick figures adorning the top of your blogs. And I for one miss them. You have a unique twist on life and this manifests in the stick figure strips. Do a series of them so you have them at hand to slot in each day for us. 😀
I have only really had one or two periods in my life where I felt consistently low. For a while I did very little each day and that definitely made things worse. I started going swimming every other day and sometimes I would go every day. I would walk for half an hour to the pool and swim a couple more lengths each time that I went. I’d then walk home again, feeling a little better. I liked the fact that I could do a little more each day and that gradually I felt fitter and stronger. Doing something that I thought of as being productive helped me to feel empowered and made me feel like I was moving forward for a bit each day. It helped.