It’s my birthday today. I am 32. Big fucking whoop.
I still have a somewhat childish outlook on a lot of things, I will freely admit — come on, it’s endearing — and birthdays are one of those things. I still feel that birthdays are special days, that they should be celebrated and enjoyed — and that preferably, nothing unpleasant should happen to you on them. Ideally, you wouldn’t even have to work on your birthday — it would be a guaranteed holiday for each individual person — and you could just spend the day eating cake, reading cards, opening presents and wondering how you’ll spend your birthday money.
Which is why I’m here at just after 10pm in the evening feeling a bit glum. Today has… well, not “sucked” exactly, but it has been nothing but a normal day in which I got a significantly larger number of posts on my Facebook Timeline than usual. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for people taking a moment to wish me happy birthday after Facebook reminded them to do so, but it’s not really the same as, you know, something exciting happening. And absolutely nothing exciting has happened today. At all. It has just been a Monday. Any other Monday.
It doesn’t help that Andie is ill and thus we can’t really do anything exciting and celebratory, though we are going to Canada at the weekend, so I’ll look at that as a slightly-belated birthday celebration. I also had some friends over at the weekend for board and computer games, and had the chance to catch up with some other friends I haven’t seen for ages on Sunday, so that was nice, and I’m grateful for that.
I can’t shake the feeling that today should have been more “special” than it was, though. It just wasn’t. At all. And I know that as you get older, birthdays do get less and less special — largely because you’ve had so many of them, but also because you start to get to a point where you want to forget about them — but, you know, I still like to feel like there’s a day that’s “mine”; a day when I can enjoy myself, when I can be immune from the unpleasantness of the world and just enjoy a bit of selfishness for once.
Today wasn’t that day.
Oh well. There’s always next year.
BALLS
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