1039: Chapter 22

We ordered pizza. There wasn’t much food in the house, and after my experience the other day I didn’t much feel like going to the supermarket again, plus it meant we’d be able to just sit down and talk about what the plan was.

There wasn’t a lot to plan, really. I would go along to the club tomorrow, take something I’d written — which I still had to do — and then submit it. Alice would come along for moral support if I needed it, but quite rightly pointed out that I needed to be the one to do the talking if I could. It was no good her making bonds with people in this world, because–

I didn’t finish that thought. I didn’t want to think about that right now. Alice didn’t belong here, and I didn’t know what that meant in the long term. But it didn’t matter. We had to resolve this situation, and it had to be soon. Every day we delayed, this “chaos”… thing grew in power, and if it regained the strength it had in Alice’s world… well, then, I really didn’t want to think about it.

“This is good pizza,” said Alice. “Feels like forever since I’ve had one. Guess it has been quite a while. Hard to get one delivered if there’s no-one else alive.”

How could she do that? She was so strong. I had no idea how she had lived through the experience in her world and come out of the other end seemingly unscathed, cracking jokes about it. Everyone in her world was dead, and here she was munching on a slice of pizza in a world that was not her own as if nothing at all was amiss.

I envied her. I wished that I could adjust to new situations as quickly and deftly as she clearly could.

“Hey Alice,” I said, swallowing the last piece of the slice I was on. “I’ve been meaning to ask, what were you doing for food? When I went to the supermarket in your world, all the power was off and everything was spoiled. It smelled awful.”

“Oh, you know what Mum was like,” said Alice, smiling. “Always kept a fully-stocked freezer. Turns out there was enough frozen bolognese and chillies and whatnot in there for several months, especially as I was the only one eating.” She grinned at me. “After this pizza, though, I don’t think I ever want to eat bolognese ever again.”

I smiled at her. I was glad to have her in my life again, even if it was under these bizarre circumstances.

“So, Mr Author,” said Aril grandly. “What are we going to write for your debut?”

He produced a pad of paper from somewhere and laid it down on the table. I thought for a moment.

“A piece of creative writing,” I said. “I’m good at that.” I felt a little guilty building myself up like that, but it was true — it was the one thing I knew I could do, and which I believed in my own abilities at.

“What about?” said Alice, interested.

“I’m not sure yet,” I said. I took the pen which Aril had also produced from somewhere and chewed thoughtfully on the end of it.

Then I started to write.

The words flowed naturally and easily. They tumbled out of my head, through the pen and on to the paper. Before long, I’d filled a page.

“Easy there,” said Aril. “You’re not writing a novel.”

“I know,” I said.

“What are you writing?” said Alice.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I said, a little embarrassed. I turned the pad away from her so she couldn’t look over my shoulder. “You can have a look when it’s done.”

“All right,” she said with a smile.

It didn’t take much longer to finish. I filled two sheets of paper from the pad in the end. I could have gone on for a lot longer, but I figured it was better to try and finish it where I could. Like Aril said, I wasn’t writing a novel, just something to publish in the magazine. That meant it had to be reasonably short, and good.

I wasn’t sure it was either of those things.

Alice saw an opportunity and snatched the pad from me with a triumphant “Ha!”. I went to stop her, but it was too late. She was already starting to read.

She read. I saw her eyes following each line, then returning to the start of the line, a little lower. She worked her way down the page, then onto the next.

Halfway down the second page, I saw her eyes grow moist.

By the end of the piece, tears were rolling down her face. She said nothing, and just put her arms around me.

“Looks like we’re good to go,” said Aril, smiling out of one corner of his mouth.

*

The next day, I went to school on the bus again. Alice promised to meet me after school, and we’d go to the club together. She reminded me that I had to do this myself, but she promised to be there to help me if I needed it.

The day passed in something of a haze. All I was focusing on was the task I had to complete after classes. I spent lunchtime with Laura, but don’t remember what we talked about. I managed to get rid of her after classes by saying I needed to talk to some teachers about my coursework. She looked a little sad as she walked away. I felt bad for a little while, but she’d just get in the way.

And so I found myself outside the library. Alice stood next to me. She took my hand and squeezed it. I looked down at her, and her wide eyes gave me a look that said “you can do this.”

I opened the door and walked in. Alice trailed behind me. I looked around. The club seemed to be assembled at a table at the far corner of the library. I went over.

“Ah, hello,” said a guy with shaggy brown hair and thick-rimmed glasses. “Have a seat.”

I recognised him. I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t think I had any classes with him… or did I?

I looked around the group. Something was familiar about all of them — the girl with the dyed red hair, the guy with a blonde bob that I always thought looked like a girl, the big guy with the sour expression on his face. Did I know these people? No, I couldn’t.

My mind felt a little cloudy, but I remained lucid enough to sit down at the head of the table, directly opposite the guy who had first spoken to me.

I took out the pieces of paper with my contribution written on them and handed them over without saying a word. The guy in the glasses took them and looked them over. He nodded and passed them around the group.

The redheaded girl was the last to put the papers down. They all looked at me.

“That’s really good,” said the guy with the glasses. “That’s really… brave. Very bold. Are you sure you want to do this?”

My mind remained cloudy. It felt like I was watching a dream, not sitting here talking to these people. I glanced over my shoulder to try and find Alice, but she was nowhere to be seen. I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and opened them again.

I regained my sense of self. What was that?

I looked over my shoulder again and Alice was there, pretending to look at a bookshelf. She glanced at me and smiled, then turned back to the book she was browsing. She looked out of place, but no-one commented on her presence.

“Yes,” I said finally, looking right into the eyes of the guy with the glasses. Then I looked around the faces of the assembled people around the table. All of them were gazing at me with sympathetic eyes. “Yes, I’m sure.”

I suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to cry, but I didn’t want to do it in front of these people. I didn’t want to do it at all. But it was becoming harder and harder to resist.

I felt it build up inside me. It rose up from my heart, up my throat and out of my mouth as gulping sobs. My eyes filled with tears, and they started to flow freely down my face.

I covered my face with my hands and leaned on the table to support myself. My shoulders shook with every sob. The tears wouldn’t stop. It was horrible to experience, but at the same time it was a sweet relief. I felt like this had been building up inside me for a long time, and letting it out seemed like a good thing to do.

I felt a hand on one shoulder, then the other. Alice?

I peeped out through a gap between my fingers. The sobbing was starting to subside, to be replaced by a dull feeling of absolute misery. I started to feel a little less embarrassed. The worst was over, so I could probably face Alice now.

I wiped my cheeks and eyes and took my hands away from my face. As my blurred vision came back into focus I was surprised to see not Alice standing next to me, but the faces of all of the assembled people from the club.

“What,” I said. A sob threatened to prevent me from saying anything else. “What is this?”

They didn’t say anything else. They just stood by me. I felt a sense of warmth and comfort.

I didn’t understand. Surely this was wrong? I didn’t know these people… did I? Or did I? There was something overwhelmingly familiar about them, and it occurred to me that when I had showed up today, not a single one of them had asked why I was there. Did they know me?

No, that couldn’t be true, I thought. The only person in my life is Laura. And now Aril and Alice, of course. But before them, there was no-one but Laura. She’d stood by me and helped me out. She’d helped me to be strong, to deal with all this. She’d been my rock.

I felt a bit bad about how I’d been treating her recently, but it was too late now.

“I think we’re good for today,” said a voice that I recognised as the guy in the glasses. “Do you need any help getting home?”

I took a deep breath and slumped back in my chair.

“No,” I said. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“All right,” he said. “We’ll print this in the next issue. Thank you so much for writing it.”

They walked out and left me sitting there.

Alice came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“Well done,” she said softly. “I knew you could do it.”

“Let’s go home,” I said. “And let’s walk. I feel like I need to clear my head a bit.”

“Sure,” she said. She took my hand and led me out of the library. Once we got outside, the cool breeze felt good on my face. My eyes still stung a bit, but the feeling of wanting to break down in tears had passed. Now I just felt a bit numb.

I didn’t quite understand what had happened today, but I knew that it was important. I knew that I’d taken a big step towards resolving this situation. But exactly how it fit into the whole picture wasn’t yet clear to me.

“We’ll get there,” said Alice. “We’ll be all right.”