1038: Chapter 21

And so it was that a school day came around, and I had a mission to fulfil. I had to find a club to join so I could make some friends.

It was a ridiculous idea. It wouldn’t work. It was too hard.

It actually made me nervous to think about. The idea of talking to people made me sweat. It made my hands shake. But I knew it was the only thing we had to go on for the moment.

I assumed that Laura wasn’t going to show up, so I got up early and headed out to the bus stop. I hadn’t caught the bus for a while. Too many people for my liking — and too many people that I didn’t want to associate myself with.

No, I thought. I have to stop thinking like that. I’ll never get through this if I keep alienating myself like that. I can’t keep thinking that people are something to be feared and avoided.

I fiddled with my phone as a few people showed up at the bus stop. None of them gave me a second glance. I was glad. I wasn’t quite ready for this yet. I continued cycling around between my email and the Web until the bus finally showed up, then pocketed my phone and handed the exact change to the driver without a word. I sat down in a vacant seat and tried to ignore the kids at the back blasting music out of their mobile phones. They intimidated me, even though they were clearly much younger than me. I hoped they didn’t come over and harass me.

They didn’t.

The bus arrived at college without incident. The younger kids got off well before my stop when the bus arrived at their school, leaving me to relax a little.

I walked into my classroom, not looking at anyone. I sat down. I didn’t look around to try and find Laura. If she wanted to talk to me, she’d come and find me.

Morning registration was over before I knew it, and I slipped out as part of the rush. Morning classes also passed without incident. Laura didn’t come and find me. I was quite glad. I couldn’t face her right now.

Lunchtime came. Time for phase one of the plan — a bit of scouting.

I realised I had no idea where to start.

Alice had made a few suggestions. The college magazine. There certainly was one, but where would they meet? The library? The computer suites? I wasn’t sure, so I headed for the library first. Sure enough, there was a scrappy-looking piece of paper taped to the wall inviting contributions for the next edition of the magazine. The next meeting was tomorrow after classes.

All right, I thought. I can spend a day preparing myself for that. But I’d need to show up with something to contribute. What? I’d never read the magazine, so I wasn’t sure what sort of thing they were after.

I walked into the library. It was deserted. I wasn’t surprised. It was cold and the selection of books wasn’t particularly good, making it largely worthless to most of the student population. The librarian looked up with a start from her desk as I walked in, as if surprised to see another living being.

“Hello,” she said. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes,” I said, my voice wavering. I realised I hadn’t spoken all day. “Do you have a copy of the college magazine?”

“I think so,” she said. “Hold on.”

She disappeared into the mysterious office behind the counter and returned with a floppy-looking magazine made of sheets of copier paper stapled inexpertly together. It didn’t look like much. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so hard.

“It’s fifty pence,” she said.

It costs money? I thought. Of course it does.

I rummaged around in my pocket, hoping that I still had some change left over. Fortunately, I did, so I handed it over to the librarian and settled down at one of the desks to read my new acquisition. I had a feeling that no-one would be bothering me.

I opened the magazine. Inside it was quite professionally laid out, though the print quality wasn’t up to much. You could tell it had been put together using some basic computer software and then just photocopied.

I flipped through. There was a surprising amount of well-written content. There was a full-page writeup on a recent sporting success for the college football team; some reviews of recent films; but what really caught my eye was a section that seemed to feature creative submissions — poetry and very short stories. I read them through and, to my modest eye, they certainly seemed like the sort of thing I could come up with without too much difficulty. I usually got good marks in my English Language classes for my creative projects, so perhaps that could be my contribution.

I closed the magazine and laid it down on the table. As I looked up, I realised that Laura was standing right in front of me.

“Hey,” she said quietly. “You okay?”

I looked at her. She looked… normal. She didn’t look mad, or upset, or anything. She was just Laura.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m all right.”

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

“What are you doing?” she said. “I didn’t know you were interested in the mag.”

“I’m just curious,” I said. “I realised I’d never really checked it out.”

There was another awkward silence.

“Can we talk?” she said. “Not here?” She glanced at the librarian, who was very pointedly not watching us, but very obviously eavesdropping.

“Sure,” I said. I had a bad feeling, but it was probably better to clear the air sooner rather than later.

We walked out of the library and out into the corridor. It was quiet around here — you could hear students milling around in the distance, but you could tell the library was a forgotten backwater by the fact that no-one at all was walking through these hallways.

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly. “I freaked out a bit. I shouldn’t have done that. I know you’re dealing with a lot of things.”

“No,” I said. “I’m sorry. I was… confused. I shouldn’t have said those things. I… I can’t explain them.”

“It’s all right,” she said. She walked a little closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “I can’t pretend to understand even half of what you’ve been going through recently. If you say that something weird happened that made you believe… what you said, then I’ll accept that.”

“That’s exactly what happened,” I said. “It was… strange.”

I sat down on a bench at the side of the corridor and held my head in my hands.

“I don’t know what’s going on any more, Laura,” I said. “This is all too much to deal with. And now I’ve got to…”

I trailed off. I got a sudden feeling that telling Laura about our new plan would be a very bad idea indeed.

“You’ve got to what?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said. I changed the subject. “Did you drop by my house recently?”

“Yes,” she said. “I… ran into your sister.”

I nodded.

“You managed to… bring her here?” she asked. “I was surprised to see her.”

I nodded again, but said nothing else.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I’m probably poking at you too much. Would you like me to leave you alone?”

I raised my head and looked at her.

Did I want her to leave me alone? On the one hand, having her here was comforting. On the other, it was making it harder to deal with everything. I felt like I needed to hide some things from her, and lying to her was proving more stressful than I thought. I figured that probably said something positive about my personality. I’ll take small victories where I can get them.

“I think… Yeah, I just need a bit of time to think,” I said. “Sorry. I just–”

“It’s okay,” she said. She placed her hands on my cheeks and held my head in place, looking straight at me. “It’ll be all right.”

She kissed me on the lips and walked away. I was left sitting on the bench in this forgotten corner of the school, more confused than ever.

*

I hope he’s doing all right, I thought. I sipped on a cup of tea that I’d made for myself. Aril was just sitting in the corner of the room staring into space. He wasn’t being much of a conversationalist.

I stood up.

“Want anything?” I asked.

“No,” he said bluntly.

Fine. I walked up the stairs to my room and browsed the bookshelves. They were exactly as I remembered them. I ran my finger along the cracked spines of the many paperbacks I’d read over the years, and eventually settled on a cheesy, funny, teenage “coming of age” book I’d been through several times already. The characters in it were supposed to be older than me, but I’d always felt more mature than them. It made me happy to feel that way.

I took the book and returned to the living room. Aril was still staring into space. Well, all right then.

I opened the book and started to read quietly. Aril still said nothing.

I finished the prologue. Then the first chapter. Finally he spoke.

“Do you think he’ll be able to do this?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said straight away. I gave my brother a hard time, but I believed he could do it.

“Are you sure?” he asked. There was a hint of worry in his voice. I didn’t like it.

“Yes,” I said again, not looking up from my book. “We’ve got to believe that, right?”

“Yes,” he replied.

The room became silent again. The only sound was the fwip-fwip of my pages turning. I finished two more chapters.

“I’m not doing nothing,” he said.

I closed the book and looked up.

“What?” I asked.

“I said I’m not doing nothing,” he said, sitting forward in his chair. “I’m keeping an eye on him. Or his mind, anyway.”

“Oh,” I said. Creepy. “And?”

“It’s…” he began. “You’re probably right. It will all be fine. From what I could make out, I think we might need your talents tomorrow.”

“Oh?” I said. “Did he pick a club?”

“Looks like the school magazine,” he said. “For some reason he’s hiding what he’s up to from that girl he knows,” he added.

“That girl?” I asked. “The one who came over?”

“Yes,” he said.

Another long pause.

“I think he’s right to do that,” he said. “I’m not sure, but there’s something… strange about her.”

“Strange?” I asked. “How?”

“Hard to say,” he said. “I’m just getting a bad feeling.”

Aril hadn’t been acting like Aril lately. I didn’t like it. I preferred it when he was leaning against walls looking bored and occasionally making sarcastic comments. This was all a bit serious for my liking.

“Well,” I said. “Not much we can do right now. We’ll just wait for him to come home, and then we’ll decide what to do.”

“Yes,” he said. He sounded uneasy. I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t clear how this was going to end. The only thing that was clear was the fact that it wasn’t over yet.