1035: Chapter 18

“I want you to try something,” said Aril to me.

“What?” I asked.

“You’ve crossed over to the world Alice here came from,” he said, waving his hand in the general direction of my sister, who was presently wandering around the top floor of my house looking at everything, presumably trying to work out how things differed from her world. “But you know, that’s not the only other world out there.”

“Right,” I said. “You said something about… other worlds existing on a ‘continuum’ and the world Alice is from being ‘closest’ to this one, right?”

“Yes,” said Aril. “It’s also the last world that our chaotic friend passed through. What I’m interested to see is what’s going on in the next world. His next target.”

“The next one?” I asked curiously. I knew already that there were other worlds out there, of course — infinite possibilities, infinite worlds, presumably — but I’d always been drawn to the one Alice had come from. I hadn’t seen a hint of another one, but presumably if I was able to make use of my new… abilities, I’d be able to do so. Assuming there was a “gate”.

I thought about this for a moment.

“But wait,” I said. “The reason I can go back and forth to Alice’s world is because of the gates, right?”

“Yes,” said Aril.

“And the gates are a result of this chaos thing messing things up, right?”

“Yes,” said Aril.

“So if the chaos thing hasn’t been to the next world, there won’t be any gates, right?”

“Yes,” said Aril.

How infuriating. Say something more.

“You’re correct,” said Aril. “Which is where I can help you out a bit. I don’t have the energy to pass through myself right now, but I can create a temporary gate for you.”

I nodded.

“All right. What am I looking for?”

That was decisive. When did I become so assertive? I could feel Alice’s eyes on me. They were displaying something like surprise… or was it admiration? I couldn’t tell.

“Nothing much,” said Aril. “You won’t be able to stay long. But take a look and see if things are… all right there. We’re only assuming that our friend hasn’t paid it a visit yet, of course. It’d be nice to know if we were right.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m ready.”

“Right,” said Aril. “Now, we should probably find a place that wouldn’t be too obtrusive for you to suddenly appear. Just in case…”

I shivered slightly at the thought. Alice seemed to be just fine with what had been going on, but I couldn’t guarantee that the incarnations of my family from another plane of existence would be quite so accepting of all this.

We eventually settled on the walk-in pantry in the kitchen. I didn’t keep it particularly well-stocked these days, as I tended to just put stuff in the fridge or freezer, but that meant that there was enough room to stand in there.

“Okay,” said Aril. “I’ll try and open the gate there.”

Aril clicked his fingers and what looked like a holographic display appeared from the back of his hand. He tapped some floating virtual buttons and there was a momentary flash, but as usual I couldn’t see the gate.

“Go on,” he said. “Step on through.”

I tried to recreate the way I felt and what I did when I stepped through into Alice’s room before.

“Go for it!” I heard her voice say behind me. “You can do it.”

I closed my eyes, grit my teeth and made my mind go blank. I felt oddly relaxed as I stepped through the doorway of the pantry.

Darkness.

It was all black. I opened my eyes, but it was still dark.

I reached out in front of me for the familiar pantry shelves, but I didn’t feel anything at all, not even a breeze as I moved my arms. Were my arms there? I couldn’t tell. This world just seemed to be… absolute nothingness.

Had I come to a world where everything was all over? Had I come to a world where existence had simply stopped? If so, how was this place — if it was even a place — even here? And if there was nothing here, presumably I was in the darkness and vacuum of space, but I was still alive.

Wasn’t I?

I felt like I was alive. But I couldn’t feel anything. Because there was nothing to feel.

I wanted to call out, but something stopped my voice from coming out. Was it the lack of air? No, because if there was no air, I’d be dead. I was still alive, right?

I felt like I was alive. But I couldn’t feel anything. Because there was nothing to feel.

This was loneliness. This was absolute nothingness. This was being isolated from everything I had known, everyone I had ever loved.

Somehow I found them hard to picture right now.

Why was I here? What was I doing?

Who was I?

I… didn’t know.

I floated — floated? — around, though there was nothing to see that gave me a reference point. I couldn’t tell where the “gate” I had come in from was any more. I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t feel anything. Again, my thoughts turned to the question of my own existence. Was I alive?

I felt like I was alive. But I couldn’t feel anything. Because there was nothing to feel.

I thought I should be more scared at this strange situation. I thought I should be more worried. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t relaxed, either. I just… was. A consciousness floating in the void. Swirling nothingness in some further swirling nothingness.

Suddenly I felt another presence, though I still saw nothing.

I didn’t like the new presence. It seemed threatening, but still I felt nothing.

It seemed like it was mocking me, laughing at me. But still I felt nothing.

I tried to ignore it, tune it out, but it felt like it was following me around. If I could see anything, it would have been following wherever I was looking, like something stuck in my eye. But there was nothing to see. There was nothing here. I was all alone, apart from this strange presence. I didn’t even feel like my own “self” was here.

I wanted to come back. But to where? To what? To whom?

Where was home? Who was I? Who was waiting for me?

I fell to the ground with a thump and realised my eyes were closed. My back hurt. I’d fallen onto a solid floor.

Wait, I thought. A solid floor? Feelings. Pain.

I opened my eyes and looked up. It was still dark, but I could at least see where I was now. I recognised it. This place felt familiar. Was it… home?

I unsteadily got to my feet. Yes, this was familiar. I reached out for the door in front of me and opened it. Inside were some shelves, but they were all bare. It was cold inside. It felt like this place had been deserted for a long time.

I closed the door.

Where was I? Was this really home? It looked like there was no-one here. Should there be someone here? Something lingered at the back of my mind. Someone was waiting for me. Who was it?

“Hi,” came a voice from behind me. I span around. She was standing in front of me. I knew her. I remembered her.

“Laura?” I said. “Yes, it’s you.”

“Yes, it’s me,” she said. “It’s all right. You’re safe now.”

I didn’t feel safe in this strange place, but the girl — Laura — was a comforting presence. She was important to me. I was important to her. We belonged together.

Did we?

Yes.

Was she the one who was waiting for me? Something at the back of my mind made me unsure, but that feeling was rapidly fading.

Laura stepped forward and put her arms around my neck. She embraced me tightly, and kissed me passionately on the lips. It was a nice feeling. I didn’t want her to let go.

“I won’t,” she whispered to me. “I won’t let you go.”

I knew that she wasn’t joking. And I was happy. I closed my eyes and let the pleasurable sensations of her lips meeting mine, her tongue exploring my mouth, wash over me. This was happiness. This was companionship. This took the loneliness away. I was safe, and no longer alone.

I felt my “self” slipping away, but I didn’t care any more. This was the place I wanted to be, the place I wanted to stay, and nothing was going to change that.

*

“Shit,” said Aril.

“What?” I said. I felt bad. It felt like there were spiders crawling up my back. I really hoped that there weren’t. It was just nerves. But something seemed wrong.

Aril stayed quiet. I didn’t like it. I spoke again.

“What?” I said, a bit louder.

He still stayed quiet. That wasn’t like him.

“Come on!” I said. “Tell me! You’re going to have to eventually.”

He paused, and turned to look at me. The creepy feeling on my back started up again.

“We may have a problem,” he said. “He’s… gone.”

“What do you mean, gone?” I said. The spiders on my back felt like they’d doubled in size and got twice as hairy.

“Exactly what I say,” he said. “He’s gone. I don’t know where he is. He went through the gate and now… nothing.”

“Then get him back!” I said, louder still. I really didn’t want to shout at Aril, but I felt I probably would before long. “Please!”

“There’s no getting him back,” said Aril. “Wherever he’s gone, he’s going to have to find his own way back. Because he’s not where he should be.”

“What?” I shouted. “But he was…”

“I know,” said Aril, interrupting me. It annoyed me a bit, but I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say anyway. “I’m sorry.”

I just stood and looked at Aril, then at the open door of the pantry, then back at Aril again.

I’d lost him twice now. I’d lost my brother twice. It wasn’t getting any easier. How was I supposed to deal with this? How was I supposed to deal with meeting my brother who I thought was dead, then losing him again? How was I supposed to accept this? How could I get him back?

I felt my eyes filling up with tears. I wanted to just fall down and cry, but I tried to hold back the feeling. It was difficult. My lip trembled and my knees shook. But I didn’t let the tears out.

I needed him back. He’d saved me from that terrible, awful, lonely world of nothingness. Now I needed to save him. How could I save him? How could I get him back? How could I find him?

I couldn’t work it out. My eyes were stinging. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. I wanted to scream.

So I did. Just one word.

I hoped it was enough.