2481: Rejected, Again

I did not get shortlisted for the job I mentioned the other day that I actually 1) rather wanted and 2) felt confident I would be able to do well at.

I am getting really quite tired of the same old copy-paste rejection email that everywhere seems to use. “Dear [name], Thank you for your application for [insert position here]. Unfortunately, on this occasion you have not been successful. Please have a nice life and try not to fall into a crippling pit of depression because no-one anywhere appears to want to hire you for anything, even things you have demonstrable abilities in and thus the potential to excel. Now we’re going out with the normal people who have real jobs. Fuck you.”

I added the last bit, but I feel like it’s implied every time I receive one of these.

I am sick of this. Fucking sick of it. I am doing everything “right”. I am following all the suggestions I read all over the Internet and hear in discussions with people. I am applying for jobs whenever and wherever I can, with preference for those positions that are directly relevant to my skills but also taking a chance on those that sound like something I might be able to do. I am updating my CV regularly, and producing tailored versions of it for different positions. I am writing covering letters that directly address the job description and person specification while making me appear like an actual human being rather than machine-generated business-speak.

And still fucking nothing.

I’m lucky to actually hear anything from all the places I’ve applied to. Most simply ignore me, leaving me wondering if I will ever actually hear from them, so I guess I should be a little bit grateful for those places that at least have the courtesy to give me a definite “no”, but frankly it’s hard to feel anything positive towards this whole ridiculous, demoralising and soul-crushingly upsetting process.

I should probably just go and apply to work at my local Tesco — they’re hiring, after all. But you know what? I’m absolutely sick of doing shit that is beneath what I’m capable of, what I’m qualified for and what I have demonstrable experience in. I’m sick of settling for not even second best. I am so much more. I am capable of so much more. But no-one will let me prove that to them. And that’s enormously upsetting. It makes me feel like it’s not even worth bothering to try.

I just want to be recognised. Appreciated for my talents. Acknowledged as a person. But none of those things are happening, and with each passing day this continues to be true I feel more and more worthless; a waste of space contributing little to the world and apparently having no skills that anyone considers to be useful or meaningful in 2016.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t see a way out of this pit. I’m trying, by God I’m trying, but the walls are smooth and slick, and there’s seemingly no way to pull myself up and out. And no-one seems to be coming to throw me a rope, either.