1410: Part 24

The week rolled around, day by day. Sian felt demotivated and indifferent towards her studies for the first time in years, and her teachers had noticed, with several of them pulling her aside after class to ask whether everything was all right. Most of them were aware of the altercation between her, Jasmine and Nicola the previous week, but they also tended to assume that spats between teenage girls were usually patched up almost as quickly as they happened.

This one hadn’t, though. Jasmine and Nicola had barely said a word to Sian since the incident, and had pointedly moved away from her in the classes they had together, leaving her to sit by herself. It made her feel bad.

The only person she felt gave her any meaningful interaction any more was Edward, and despite her good intentions to be positive towards him, she was wary of being seen with him for fear of either or both of them being harassed — and worse, it causing Edward to fly into one of his rages. She didn’t want that, and she knew Edward didn’t either; it just happened. It was part of who he was, and Sian felt like she was one of the only people in the school — staff of the Unit aside, whom she’d got to know quite well over the last few days — who could look past the angry exterior to the person within.

Sian had discovered through her conversations with him that Edward was actually quite an intelligent person, with a particularly natural flair for the creative. The fact that his difficulties had caused him to miss a lot of lessons meant that he was lacking in certain basic skills, particularly when it came to literacy and numeracy, but when he could communicate his feelings and articulate his thoughts coherently, it was clear to her that there was quite a clever young man struggling to get out from beneath all the resentment, bitterness and anger.

Sian had paid Kristina a few visits over the course of the week, but had found her friend increasingly distant, distracted and unwilling to talk. She often had a far-off look in her eyes, like she was seeing something Sian couldn’t, and she rarely had time to spend more than five minutes talking.

Sian knew the reason, of course; it was abundantly clear. Kristina had given up. She had had good intentions to try her best for one last shot when they had met in the coffee shop, but her attempts had obviously been unsuccessful, because now she looked utterly defeated. Sian recognised the feelings, and felt for her teacher, but didn’t know what else she could do.

She thought back to the story Sian had told her about her friend at university, the one who had suffered from depression and had regularly shut herself away from anyone who wanted to help or comfort her. She couldn’t help but draw comparisons to Kristina; she was starting to show much the same symptoms, and Sian recognised her own feelings of helplessness as what Kristina must have gone through several years previously.

Thursday morning came around; the day of Year 11’s Parents Evening. Sian tried her best to maintain her focus over the course of the day, but knew that most of her teachers had already noticed how distracted she had been for the rest of the week and would almost certainly tell her parents about it. She really wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable conversation in the car on the way home; her mother in particular would ask probing questions that she wouldn’t want to answer, and her father would get increasingly frustrated as she refused to answer them. She predicted the evening would more than likely end in a huge argument between her and them.

When lunchtime came, Sian decided to go and see Kristina again. When she arrived at the classroom, Edward was already there waiting outside the door, peering through the small window.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hey,” he said quietly, not turning to look at her.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I wanted to see Miss,” he said. “But she looks… well, take a look.”

He moved away from the door and gestured for Sian to take a look through the small window. She did so.

Inside, she could see Kristina sitting at the piano, but she wasn’t playing. No, she was crying. Her head was in her hands, and she was crying; judging by the heaving of her shoulders, it was a particularly intense bout.

“Should we go talk to her?” Edward asked. “I, uh, don’t really know how to deal with this.”

Sian didn’t either.

“I…” she began, turning to him, then turned back to look through the window again. Kristina was right where they had left her. “Yeah. Yeah, we should.”

She pushed the door open assertively without knocking. Kristina looked up, startled, tears sparkling on her cheeks and makeup running down her face.

“Oh God,” she said. “I’m sorry, was I supposed to…”

“No,” said Sian as calmly as she could manage. “No, there’s nothing to worry about. We just wanted to…”

She wanted to say “see if you were all right,” but that seemed like a silly thing to say right now. Of course she wasn’t all right.

“We just wanted to come and see you,” said Edward. “We’re worried about you.”

Sian looked at Edward in surprise. It wasn’t like him to show such open empathy.

“Yeah,” said Sian. She fumbled around in her pocket to find the packet of tissues her mother pushed onto her every few days. She drew one out and handed it to Kristina, who took it with a weak smile.

“Yeah, you should be,” said Kristina. “I know I’m being completely unprofessional by being like this, but, you know, fuck it. I can’t take this any more.”

Both Sian and Edward bristled as they heard Kristina hiss the profanity bitterly, but they didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry,” she continued. “I’m sorry to you both. But…” she hesitated and took a deep breath, which was interrupted by the remnants of a sob. “I don’t think I’m going to be your teacher for much longer.”

Sian nodded.

“I understand,” she said. Edward said nothing; he just looked at the floor.

The room was silent for a moment.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” said Edward quietly, still looking at his shoes.

“No,” said Kristina. “No, Edward, why would you say that?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I feel like everything’s my fault. I fuck everything up.”

Sian placed a hand on his shoulder, and heard him take a sharp intake of breath as she made contact with him.

“You don’t,” she said quietly. “You can’t blame yourself for everything. There are things you could do better, sure, but that’s true for all of us. But this; this isn’t your fault.”

“No,” said Kristina. “It’s not. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m not cut out for this job. I thought I was, but I’m not. It’s taken me quite some time to admit that to myself, but this really isn’t me. This isn’t the person I used to be. I don’t like the person that this job is turning me into, and if I carry on I’m not only going to be letting myself down, I’m going to be letting the rest of you down, too.”

Sian took her hand off Edward’s shoulder and walked towards Kristina. She put her arms around her teacher’s shoulders and hugged her.

Kristina started crying again, but the tears didn’t have quite so much sadness in them this time.

 

*  *  *  *

Finally, the end of the day came around. Kristina somehow managed to survive her afternoon lessons without having an emotional breakdown, and knew that she only had to make it through Parents Evening, and then she would be free.

Between the end of school and her first appointment, she took a moment to wash her face, reapply her makeup and make sure she looked presentable and professional.

Might as well go out on a high note, she thought.

She walked back to her classroom, picked up her mark book and headed to the table assigned to her in the hall; tucked away in the back corner, much like the music department as a whole.

She only had a few appointments; a number of her students’ parents had apparently decided that music wasn’t important enough to check their progress in, and so she spent much of the evening drinking the staffroom’s horrible instant coffee and eating cheap biscuits.

As the light faded outside, she couldn’t help but look at the last entry on her list: Edward’s parents. She wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with Edward’s father, and Edward hadn’t said whether or not his estranged mother would be coming along, either. But time was ticking down, and she knew that there was no escape.

She went and sat back at her desk, feeling her heart rate gradually increasing as she watched the clock gradually work its way ever-closer to seven o’ clock.

As she saw Edward’s father approaching, she felt like her heart had stopped and time was standing still.

“Holy shit,” she said to herself. “Mark.”

There was no mistake; it wasn’t the clean-cut, well-dressed Mark she’d seen before, however; he had shaggy, unkempt hair and he obviously hadn’t shaved for a while. But it was still him.

She made eye contact, and she knew it was too late to get away; he was storming towards her, striding with furious purpose down the aisles between the tables.

The rest of the world became a blur, darkening at the edges; all she could see right now was him, with Edward following closely behind him, looking more scared than she had ever seen him.

“Bitch!” hissed Mark as she reached Kristina’s table. He slammed his fist down on her desk and said it again, louder. “Bitch!”

The noise of the other meetings going on in the room subsided, and Kristina could feel all eyes turning to her. She wanted out, now.

“Uh-uh-uh-uh,” she stammered, unable to get any words out. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

“You and your little friend ruined my life!” he yelled, pushing her table aside as if it were nothing more than a light curtain. Kristina stood up and moved behind her chair, though she knew it would offer little protection if he did decide to become violent.

“You ruined my life!” he said again, but this time he wasn’t screaming with anger; it was said with agonising frustration and sadness. He sank to his knees and clutched at his temples; tears formed in his eyes and he started to sob.

He let out a bloodcurdling howl and sank to the ground. Kristina looked at him in astonishment, and could tell the rest of the room was doing the same.

The room fell silent for a moment, then the noiselessness was broken by the sound of high-heeled footsteps on the wooden floor, echoing through the high-ceilinged hall.

They came closer and closer; Kristina didn’t recognise the woman, but as soon as Edward turned around, looked at her and smiled, she understood.

“Have I come at a bad time?” said Edward’s mother.