Your mind and imagination work like mine then. Everything you write there has been said or written by me in the past… and to more than one therapist over the years.

Speaking about my own case, my diagnosis years ago was a very mild ultra rapid cycling bipolar disorder. In other words, it didn't necessarily interfere or make difficult my day-to-day life and functioning, and I only required cognitive therapy and not medication. However, through the mid-90s and into the last decade I had severe clinical depression (primarily brought on by health crises and a bad marriage), which exacerbated my condition — and forced me to be medicated for a while. Over the past five years (i.e. since my separation and divorce) things have started evening out again.

Go see a mental health professional. Don't trust the internet. lol (But I figure you know that already.)

Best of luck.